Christmas Spirit

I will not be a grinch. I will not be a grinch. I will not be a grinch. I will not be a grinch....

I keep telling myself that, and it seems to be working. My problem isn't with the spending money, sometimes I wish I was more grinchy that way. I love buying presents, and I usually end up with too much. My problem is the crowds! I bite my tongue every time in the store, especially when I'm with the kids. How is it that the slowest, oldest, widest lady in the store is always parked right in front of the section you need to be? So I have been telling myself, I will not be a grinch. I will be polite, and smile if it kills me. I will look at all the other stuff around that area, maybe it's fate and I'm supposed to find something that the shopping cart lady isn't blocking. Maybe there's a deal just waiting for me where I would least likely look...

I have also decided to give a couple dollars to every bell ringer I see, or give the money to the kids so they can have the experience. Even when my hands are full of groceries, or when my wallet (between the checkout and the door) has found it's way to the exact bottom of my purse, or even when the wind is whipping and the snow and sleet are stinging my face, I will pause and dig for money and GIVE, because I WILL NOT BE A GRINCH.

I will let the kids make a mess in my kitchen, and I won't complain about cleaning it up later, after they've spent hours decorating and baking Christmas cookies. Because when I was a kid, my mom did the same for us. I don't remember the mess, which we undoubtedly made, but I remember how much fun it was every year making Christmas cookies with my family.

I will let the kids wrap their own presents, because they are excited about it and because it means something to them to do so. Even though they won't be perfect, and they may use a little too much paper... It's only paper, and we're going to wad it up and burn it after presents are opened anyways, so what does it matter if they use too much?

I will allow my 4 yr old son to organize the Nativity Scene as many times as he likes, even though it's not ever in that perfect 1/2 circle surrounding baby Jesus. Because in the world of my 4 yr old, it makes perfect sense for them to be in a different position, and who am I to say where they were on the Day that Christ was born.

I won't change the radio station away from Christmas music, even if it's Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer, and when that song is on, I will appease my children and crank up the radio so that they can sing at the top of their lungs.

I will bundle myself up and brave the cold so that my children can show me their snow angels and snow men. Even though I could see them from the warmth of the house, through the window, I know that it's not the same for a child, who thinks you have to be right there to taste the snowflakes and see the snow angel. And when they come in from the snow, I will let them make another mess in my kitchen with hot cocoa and lots of marshmallows.

I will enjoy the simple things and let the kids put the Christmas tree lights on the super duper high flashing speed that makes me feel like I've just took a triple shot of espresso right to the brain. I will let them then change the speed another twenty times that night just because the lights are so much entertainment for them. And I won't care, because I have children who are with me this Christmas and I had the money to buy the extra lights with the super duper speed settings, so why not enjoy them?

I will not be a grinch this Christmas. I will enjoy all the pleasantries, all the hurrying here and there, all the parties, and all the extras that cost a little bit more. I will smile at all the grinches in the store and hope that I can extend a nice bit of warmth to their busy day. I will pause and reflect on all that this season is and on all the reasons that we have this season to bless our lives. I will reflect on the loved ones no longer with us, and on those that may not be here for another Christmas season. I will cuddle on the couch tonight with popcorn and sodas and watch the Muppets Christmas Movie.

I will enjoy the season. I will let my heart grow with love. Love for the all the little things that God has blessed our hearts and lives with. Because as the grinchiest Grinch of them all once said.... "What if Christmas doesn't come from a store, what if Christmas means a little bit more."

Dreary Day and Christmas Music

I love Michigan. Or so I tell myself all winter long. Even though my sister tends to send me lovely little updates about how it's "so cold" in Arizona (she means 60 degrees). Today this winter weather has turned to a nice steady rain. I can't complain that it's not yet cold enough to freeze, although undoubtedly here in Michigan it will eventually turn to a nice freezing rain, soon to be covered by snow. And then every Michigan driver seems to forget how to drive over the warm months and there will be slide offs all over the roads... Like I said, I love Michigan. Really, I do, for the most part. The seasons are just incredible.

Today though, however, dreary the day may be, I have started my Christmas music listening. I love listening to Christmas music, I'll play it all day long while I'm working, and in the evenings making dinner, etc..

So thanks to this Christmas music, the day is no longer quite so dreary. I do have to say that may favorites are Vince Gill - Let There Be Peace, and John Lennon's - So This is Christmas. Although, I would probably be hard pressed to find one I really didn't like...

Anyway, to you all, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Joyful Listening here on my blog site!

Family Pics

We finally managed to get a new family picture taken. The last one was when Robby was only 5 months old, of course my hubby says were good for another 5 years now! I wish I could put the one from almost 5 years ago out here... What a change in all of us!

Distractions

I just found myself laughing at myself, of course who else is there to laugh at? I'm working at home, my neck is getting stiff, so I decide to get up and stretch for a minute. I walk to the sink, thinking I'll do dishes real quick. I put away the ones that are clean and realize, oh, maybe I should throw laundry in first so it's going while I do these. So on the way to the laundry room, I realize the Christmas tree I bought last night is still boxed up. So, I go back into the kitchen and get out the scissors to cut the box open with. Putting a Christmas tree up would be a good neck stretching exercise, right? Until, I realize when I cut the box open, that I told the kids that they could help tonight... would they care if I did this on my own? So, I put the scissors back, debating the Christmas tree, set up or not to set up. And then come back to my work computer to work...

Ok, dishes aren't done, laundry isn't done, tree isn't set up, and my neck is still stiff and getting a kink in it! What in the world did I just accomplish??

Ok, so I am off to actually "do" something right now. However, I'm sure I'll find something else along the way that will distract me...

Thankful for Little Things

Well this year there is so much to be thankful for. Even in this horrible economy, with people around me losing their jobs and worrying about their retirement and their health care, there is still those glimpses of good, the glimpses of joy and the things that make us smile each day and get out of bed, the moments to be thankful for.

Today it was the dog, believe it or not. Our crazy puppy, one that I never even thought we would be able to talk my husband into, was making all kinds of crazy noises today. I don't know if it was the snow, the fact that he got to stay home with me and Robby all day or what, but he would run and jump in his bed and nuzzle his nose down into it, then "winny" just like a horse! I'm not kidding! It was hilarious. Robby and I just kept laughing. I wish I could read the dog's mind. But it was nice, just to be able to have that moment, with a dog.

That moment made me realize how lucky, and thankful, I really am. I have a good job. A good job that allows me to have a flexible schedule, to work from home all the time, part of the time, or whatever parts of time I feel is necessary. I have a job that lets me work at home and listen to my dog make horse sounds, and lets me listen to my son belly laugh and tell me that the dog sounds like a horse.

Not that listening to the dog horse is my only benefit that makes me thankful ... Being able to work at home has not only given me more time, it's given me the ability to work around the little things. A morning talk with my husband when he gets home from work, when I normally don't see him until he's getting up for work, and I'm coming home and the rush is on... It has given me the ability to take more time with the kids when they get up for school in the morning. Instead of them getting themselves ready while I am getting ready for "work", I can sit with them at the table in my cozy little pj's, make them breakfast, pack lunches if necessary, all because I don't have to spend an hour on the road.

It's the little things that matter. Standing on the porch and watching them get on the bus instead of trying to rush and put my make up on (make up is not required when you work from home)! Being able to take that 45 minute lunch break and put dinner in the oven/crockpot, do dishes and laundry and not have to worry about having to do them after work, or, being able to take that 45 minute lunch and walk over to sit with my 91 yr old grandmother. Instead of office gossip, I get to reassure her that yes today is "Monday," and yes the cat is on her bed...

I can take my laptop and sit in the winter sun rays as they stream thru the kitchen window, rather than working in some dingy litle cube that resembles a tan prison. I can get my 3rd of 4th of 5th cup of coffee without everyone in the office commenting that it's my 3rd, 4th or 5th cup in an hour and that I should just get an IV... No one has to see my vices here at home! I can listen to my music while I work, without worrying that it's too loud for the neighbors, or I can listen to nothing but the water in the fish tank and not have to worry about the noisy office chatter all around me.

It's amazing all the things that I could list off, and how many ways my life feels "better" for just having the opportunity to work were I do. I have a boss that trusts me to do what needs to be done, and knows that I can do it and not take advantage of the situation. They talk about work life balance and how we need to strive for that. I feel like this year I have managed it finally... and I am so thankful for that. That area of stress that all working moms have, I feel like I have faced and defeated. Yeah, there is still stress, but not even close to where I was at this time last year.

I am thankful, yes, thankful, grateful for this one little thing in my life this year.

More Holiday Open House Items...

Another 12x12 double pg layout... I love the Imagine book! It makes it so easy to put together these layouts - quick!

Then, I followed Nona Pearl's You Tube video for the following 2 pocket gift card holders! These are so quick and easy you could whip them out in minutes!

I did a couple of 6x6 Acordion Albums, next I would like to try making one of the wall hangings out of them.

I finally did an acrylic album. I think these are so neat! And actually really easy to do... I started from the back so you could see a little of each page from the beginning... Now, it just needs pictures!

Hopefully, all I have left to put together are maybe some more layouts and maybe some more cards... and then pray for a good turnout tomorrow night?!

Block Frame

Wow, I just did a 4x4 acrylic block as a sample for the holiday open house... These are SO easy!

That's my niece and nephew... after I use this for a sample I'll have to give it to their mom for a desk top photo!

Holiday Open House Ideas

Well I finally had time to do some "stuff" for the Holiday Open House that I am doing, along with 7 other girls that have a direct sale business... Here's a few of my ideas...

Now to get all the other stuff done that I need to do... ;-)

Creative Juices

I feel so good today! I love it when I have Creative Juices running through me. Lately, I have been so busy with kids and football that I hadn't had time to do anything, but I finally feel like I have time to act on some of the ideas I've had. I am doing a Holiday Open House with 7 other girls next Friday, and I've actually completed a whole bunch of crafty stuff in the last two days. I feel like I'm on a roll! Now, I just need to go do about 100 Christmas cards...

Of course, a long with the scatter-brained creativeness, comes the messy house! Now, to hire someone to go along behind me and pick up the messes!

Happy Creating Everyone!

Randy Pausch

Last week we had our “Quarterly Meetings” here at work. While meetings aren’t my thing, this meeting usually bores me to death as it is full of recapping various numbers and statistics on where the company is now, etc… I am not a numbers person and details tend to bore me; however, at this particular meeting, our RVP gave his speech and I was wowed. He first caught my attention by putting a quote on the over head… I love quotes, so of course, I had to write it down. But then when he started speaking about the person who said the quote, and I was just completely engaged.

Randy Pausch. I had never even heard of him, since I watch little TV and what not, I hand’t heard the recap given on Oprah, nor had I surfed YouTube to see that like 6 million people were watching this man, who had very little time to live and was giving his ‘Last Lecture’ to people around the world. But I did finally watch it. The same night after our meeting I went home and googled the now famous professor. My 12 yr old son and I watched the Oprah abbreviated version first, then after the kids went to bed, I sat in front of my laptop and watched the entire version on YouTube.

I kept rewinding to listen the some of his stories. He was an amazing speaker. I found myself laughing, crying, and in the end awed by this person, who was no longer alive, but who had such a grip on the ways of life. The ways to live, the ways in which to apologize, the ways in which to go after your dreams… He left me wondering where he was now, did he believe in God? He didn’t go into that in his speech. How is his family doing now that he is gone? Did they absorb his passion for life and moving forward?

There were some great little anecdotes and quotes that I wrote down while watching his lecture… Here are some of my favorites:

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”

“When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care.”

“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”

“The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.”

“You just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore.”

“When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. It’s that simple. It’s that easy.”

“Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap.”

“Don’t complain. Just work harder.”

“Find the best in everybody. Just keep waiting no matter how long it takes. No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side, just keep waiting, it will come out.”

“Be prepared. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.”

“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.”

And if you haven't seen the video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Memories...

So today as I sat with my almost 91 year old great grandmother, I realized that the memories she has made in her lifetime are beyond my comprehension. At this stage in her life, she is frail and forgetful. She is having problems that we cannot even understand, but yet when she is with us, she is fun and funny. She has a sense of humor that makes every doctor laugh. She has burdens and has had her heart broken too many times; she has endured things that our generation cannot even imagine; and, she has buried loved ones that no mother, wife or grandmother should have to bury.

And as I sat and stroked her back and assured her as best as I could that she was okay, I knew that "ok" is not even close to describing what this wonderful woman is. She is amazing in so many ways, and she has touched so many people. She has passed on her stories to my children, her great-great grandchildren. She has told them about being locked in the school house after the teacher left the day she got in trouble at school; she has told them about her daughter and her son; and she has told them stories that they will hold dear throughout their life.

The longer I sat with her, the more I thought of the millions of memories that she must have. The people that would be waiting in heaven to welcome her home and the people here on earth that would miss her when she was gone. I thought about the times she cared for us, the times she left a bowl of pudding and half of a snickers bar in her fridge for us after school. I thought about the times we would all fight over whose turn it was to sleep in grandma's room and hear her bedtime stories. The times that she visited the hospital for the birth of all the numerous great-great grandchildren that she was blessed with. The times that she would sneak into our rooms when we were teenagers and "steal" our dirty laundry for us. The times that I would see her taking her walks around our yard, when she would pause just long enough to admire a bird or something she may have seen in the field.

The memories that I have of her cannot even encompass the life she has lived, since two thirds of her life she lived before I was born. I cannot even imagine all the memories that she must have. The good and the bad. The heart breaking and those filled with love... And I realized, that there is no greater purpose on this earth than touching the many hearts and lives that she has touched in her lifetime. That there is no greater way to be remembered than by sharing the multitude of memories that one has made.

Water Issues - continued...

Well, the Culligan Man is rebuilding our entire softener, all the working parts, etc.. It was 4 months from being 10 years old and it is much cheaper than getting a new softener. The black nasty stuff in our water that is plugging everything up; however, is not coming from the water softener. We tested the water there and it was rusty but clean for the most part. Then we tested the water coming out of the water heater and it was terribly disgusting! And, the water heater is only what maybe 9 months old!

I called the water heater company and they won't trouble shoot anything until I drain and flush it... So, today, at some point, I'll be hooking a hose to the water heater and running it out our basement (thank goodness for walkouts) and letting the 70 gallons of black water run out. I did a little research on the internet, and it seems like flushing/draining it might work, but why would it be so bad in only 9 months! The other water heater had been here for over 10 years and we never drained and flushed it?

At least I know that I can now do laundry, wash my face, brush my teeth, etc... all using cold water with out wondering how many black particles I am collecting. I just can't do dishes... AGAIN! I don't want to call the service guy again so I guess I'll be washing by hand in cold water... that or I'll take a laundry basket of dishes to mom's and throw them in her dishwasher! Now that is a good idea!

Terrible Nasty Horrible Water

I cannot stand our water. It is absolutely terrible. And all of a sudden it's a hundred times worse than it has ever been before... there is so much rust and whatever else in it that it is plugging up everything. I got a new dishwasher and I've had to call the GE service guy twice and both times he had to clean out some screen or filter on the water valve where it was full of junk... The shower heads in our bathroom got down to a tiny little trickle coming out so I went and replaced those and guess what... the new ones (and the frickin' little things aren't cheap) are starting to get plugged, with water already (in two days...) not coming out of all the little holes in it.

Besides plugging up stuff, it smells, it tastes worse, and now the softener is not working again so my hair will be a lovely shade of orange. Last time the softener didn't work it was also plugged.... Another $70 service bill for the Culligan Man... Ugh! AND, my coffee pot this morning had water everywhere, and I can only assume from nasty water plugging experience that there is something in that that is plugged as well.

I've tried CLR, running it through the dishwasher, but the screen that is plugged is before the water gets into the machine. I've tried vinegar and CLR on the shower heads... I just don't know what to do, other than move to the city and lower my iron intake by the thousands and start upping my chlorine levels.... I don't know if the Culligan Man can put in some sort of filter, or what, but this is insane. I wanted to cry this morning because my coffee tasted SOOO BAD!

Back to buying bottled water I guess...

Do More

Okay, my four year old won a bracelet for me today at our company picnic. And I put it on and guess what it says, "Do More." Huh? Me? Is this some voice telling me to do more? Do they not see the craziness in my life already? What other insane activity could I possibly "do" to take up more of this overwhelming abundance of time they seem to think I have.

Then the conspiracy theory set in... Is this bracelet from my employer? Is it some sort of osmosis that I'll wear it and work harder based on some subliminal, unconscious message? Do they think I'm a slacker and that this is my first clue that I must "do more?"

Well crazy enough, these two little words drove me nuts today! Nuts, I tell you. How can I possibly do more? What is it that I'm missing that needs to be added to my schedule? Do I need to read more (if I could without falling asleep from exhaustion I would)? Do I need to help more? Like helping run our football/cheer program isn't community involvement enough. Or maybe I need to do more housework? More laundry and more dishes, maybe my spring cleaning needs to be done now that it is almost fall?! So this little bracelet (which was such a sweet gift from my dear kiddo) has made me obsessed with what I'm doing. Of course, now, here I sit, typing away, rambling more or less and half watching the Olympics. But anyway, I finally realized what things there are that are pulling at my mind to "do more."

So I will do more, even if I have to figure out how to add more hours to my day. I'll do more, but it's not the cooking and cleaning and work that will be added. I know what I need to do more of, now after obsessing for the last 8 hours. I will do more fun, I will laugh more, and cry more. Sing more and write more. I will play more and love more. I don't need to expand on the areas of my life that are just that, "things." I need to do more of the things that build me up personally - besides, no matter how much I try and cook a chef I will not be! So watch out, my little prize bracelet (won in the duck pond game no less) will drive me forward. I will do more and in turn I expect to have more. More fun, more love and more of the me that I've been missing.

This World

This world we live in is so tough at times. I look around and see all the pain that is inflicted by people looking out for themselves. The mistakes that people have made that have influenced their families and friends. Not myself withstanding...

There is too much selfishness in this world. Too many looking out for number one, and not looking for the real number one. This world should not revolve around "me", or "you." But so many times, that is the reason that people make the mistakes that they do. They are looking and seeking that pleasure that isn't from God. They want happiness that they see through the world's eyes and not His eyes. And once they look through the lenses of the world they cannot see the blessings and happiness that He has waiting for them. Blinded by sin. Blinded by greed. His blessings are waiting for us, but too many times we walk right pass them with our blinders on. We see the other light at the end of the tunnel of temptation. We see the light that is blinding us to the true light.

It is disheartening to watch others fall into this pit. It is hard, when you know others have tried to tell them, but they won't open their hearts and eyes to see. It is especially hard when you know that the ones that will be pulled down with them are innocent children. This world will bring you down. I've let it try and pull me down. I've let it almost consume me with anger and frustration. The change came when I quit looking at the faults of those around me and found the faults within myself. None of us our perfect, and the grass is not greener somewhere else. But in order to find that the grass isn't green, some of us have to try and eat it ourselves.

I have to say that God has blessed my family. I have seen his blessings and I am thankful everyday for the life that He has given me. I know that there will be trials, and I know that life isn't always smooth, but I was taught a long time ago that life is what you make it. I am the one that decides my own happiness. God may give me trials, but I will be the one to decide if I smile as I face it or drop to my knees in failure. Too many of us expect that happiness is a state that we get when the world has given us what we need. When in fact, happiness is what we have when we decide to look past the faults of the world and face the day with the love and hope that only He can give us. Happiness, like Love, is a decision. I will decide to face each day with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Book Club...

I get a daily dose of a chapter from a new book from my book club. Sometimes I don't have time to so much as read the title of the book, other times I've read each day (same book runs for 5 days) of the book. This week, I just didn't have time... but something made me read. Someone, some voice in my head, said "read today, this one is for you." So anyway, I've been reading excerpts from the book "Reckless Faith," by Beth Guckenberger. By the end of day two I had pre-ordered the book from Amazon for when it is released in August.

I can't wait to get the book and read more. In one section she quoted a sign from George Bailey's office in "It's a Wonderful Life" that reads, "You can only take with you what you have given away." She goes on to write that, "A reckless faith is more concerned with the balance of what you've given than what you have left. Reckless faith always has one foot in eternity. It measures people by their actions and not their belongings. A reckless faith believes when there is no evidence and hurls itself at what is unseen but promised. A reckless faith isn't "refined" in the least. It does not make sense to the world, and yet, the world often seems fascinated by it.
"In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is, destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."--JOHN 12:25 MSG"

She also writes about how we make our own plans, thinking that these are the plans that God wants us to fulfill, but in fulfilling them, we see what the true plan was. The little "things" that sprout up along the sidelines, the people we didn't intend to interact with, and the way that his true plan always reveals itself in our lives. She writes about how we are often so focused on "our plan" that we often miss, or almost miss, His plan. Hopefully we are lucky enough to have our eyes opened in time that we don't miss His plan. She writes: "Isn't it hard to let go of our plans? Sometimes I'm so sure of myself, so confident that whatever is hardest to pull off, whatever is splashier or pays the biggest returns, is always God's plan. Sometimes I think he looks at the little boy with the loaves instead of the grown man with the fancy plans. He looks at the woman with the perfume bottle rather than the spiritual leader hosting the lunch. He looks at the boy with the sling rather than the army."

And after five short readings, I'm hooked. I'm thirsty for more, because this is all "me." These are things that have meaning for my life, things that I see in myself and things that I thrive to see more of. Oh, and her and her husband run an orphanage in Mexico. The whole book is a collection of short stories of how God has helped her by using the people she thought she was there to help. I even cried once in the five short readings, when she described feeding 40 children at an orphanage....

So, while I can't say I've read the whole book, I will shortly once it is released and Amazon ships that baby out, I have read enough to say that I can't wait to read more.

Crazy Season...

Well the craziness of fall sports is upon us...

I have football meetings three nights this week. Last week I made over 2000 copies of "stuff" to go in the players folders to handout at the meetings this week. And I have cut down the copies from what used to be handed out in half and it still seems like an insane amount of paper. I get about three calls a day on football/cheerleading questions. But, I don't think I would choose not do this. I love being involved and at least knowing that if it's not done right that I can't blame some other volunteer parent...

And it is volunteer, my son was "forced" to do labels one night and he and my daughter both did half (so about 125 each), in the meantime I was doing postcards (cutting out and printing 250 of them), putting return labels, address labels and stamps on them (so 750 labels/stamps total). When my son starting complaining about the 2nd set of labels after the first 60 or so he had done I kindly pointed out that I was doing 750... he said, "well you get paid to do it..." Pay?? In what form? Because there is certainly no cash payment. I haven't even seen a generous "just because" gift or donation. That made him rethink it a little bit and grudgingly finish off his remaining labels...

But, as I look at all the to-do's that are involved, I sometimes worry about time and sanity (mostly my sanity...), but then I realize that this is life. We all choose what it is that we do to fill the 24 hours in our day. And when we choose, we choose what has meaning to us. If sports didn't have meaning for me as a kid, I wouldn't be here supporting my kids in their sports, and I wouldn't be trying to help run a league that helps out 250 other kids in the same sports. Sports may not make the world go round, but if I can keep one kid out of trouble this fall by helping his parents find the equipment they need but can't afford then that makes me feel like my craziness is worth something. If I know the coaches are going to be responsible and care for the players, then I feel like the time we put in banging our heads trying to find the right coaches for the right teams isn't for nothing.

And those 24 hour days don't stretch, sometimes I really wish they would, but they don't. They will pass, and I have to accept that they will pass whether or not I choose to fill them. So I would rather fill them with something that has meaning - so I can't watch TV for two hours a night, not like that is going to beneficial to me. All I can do is pray that the Lord will give me the knowledge, wisdom, patience, strength and ability to do all that I need to. And hopefully, he will remind me at least once a day to eat along with all the caffeine that I am pouring into my body!

Summer Camp

Well the two older kids are at camp this week, Lake Ann Bible Camp. It is amazing to think of all the times that I had at that camp, and now to see my kids going there and not just having a good time, but learning and growing as well.

Jason is doing the "Jump Start" camp, which fits him perfectly. They do the river walk that includes fishing and finding crawfish and other "things" that he would like but not me. Then they do a "mud bog" where they totally immerse themselves in MUD! Jessi is doing the regular Junior Camp and will be having a good time with all the regular camp games, camp fires, etc... I can't wait to hear about their week!

One of these days I'm going to go back to camp up there myself. They do scrapbooking retreats, woman's retreats, couple retreats... I'll find something that works into my schedule at some point! I don't think as an adult they let you do all the "camp games" like we used to though. Can you see a bunch of scrapbookers playing "Capture the Flag", of course our flag would be a sheet of patterned paper or something! Of course a bunch of scrapbookers at "Fight Night" would be a sight to see, too! For you non-campers, fight night is the last night when you run around in a ring and try to cover the other teams with as much "goo" (goo would include, spaghetti, whip cream, or whatever else they can find in the kitchen) as humanly possible, and then you wait for the fire department to hose you down. Of course the best part of camp was always the chapel services. It's amazingly different from going to church every Sunday. The songs are so much sweeter and the prayer so much better. And of course, there were always new friends around you. Hmmm... why is it that we quit going to camp as adults?

Anyway, if you are in Michigan and are looking for a great, awesome, incredible camp for your kids, here it is... www.lakeanncamp.com

Montana

Well Darrell finally gave in! The kiddos got a puppy! His name is Montana and he is a Labradoodle. He has been a very good puppy so far, he is quiet unless he is barking at the cat, and he's been very good at whining to go outside. Robby wanted to sleep in the kennel with him last night. I wasn't sure that was a good idea... what type of mom would lock her 4 year old in a dog kennel?! Of course for a half a second, I thought I might be able to train both the dog and Robby from waking me up at 3 am... (really, only half a second).

So here we go, with our busy lives and a new family member (the boys have been teasing Jessi that she has three brothers now). Life can't get much crazier anyway, might as well have the fun of watching a puppy chase the cat and chew up his toys, as long as it's not my flip flops!

The Proverbial Wife

Proverbs 31:25-30

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

I remember when I first got married. I made a cross-stitch needlepoint of this verse. I did all the measuring, designing, etc... to get it to fit just right in a 8x10 picture frame. The Proverbial Wife was what I desired to be. Yet somehow, in the rush of working and raising a family, the most important goal of motherhood and being a wife I misplaced along the way. I got so busy thinking of all the "school" things I had to do as a mom, and all the "worldly" things that you begin to thing that being a wife requires, and the most important piece of the puzzle - the piece that makes the whole picture clear - got dropped through the cracks.

But the path that we follow is marked along the way, and the markings that I have followed lately have brought me back, not to the beginning, but they have brought me back to the place where I longed to be. I have looked and He has showed me that his touch is in this world. You just have to look to see the work that He has done, to look and see what prayers He has answered. I can still be the wife and mother that my children and husband deserve, and the wife and mother that He has laid the path for me to become. All I have to do is lean on His word, "delight myself in the Lord" and that He will give me the Desires that I crave. Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I will never be perfect. I will do the best that I am humanly capable of doing for my family - my husband and children - and the rest I will lay at His feet. I will have Faith in Him that he will do what is best for our family. It all seems so simple, but yet after 13 years I am still trying, still not even close to becoming that Proverbial Wife...

These are a "Few of My Favorite Things"....

Well, more like 25 of them....


1. My family (my husband and kiddos) - being at home and just being around them.
2. The laughter of my children.
3. The love of my family - our parents and siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles are all fantastic. Some may be wild and crazy in their own way, but I love them all.
4. My friends - after recuperating I have learned what wonderful friends I have. Not every friend will bring her cricut and her cappuccino machine and sit with you for a week!!!
5. Dark Chocolate
6. Being physically active - not being active for a week really showed me how lucky I am to be as active as I am, whether it's running, walking, playing ball, whatever...
7. Blueberries
8. Thunderstorms and watching lightning, listening to the rain fall.
9. Playing Wii and Guitar Hero
10. Playing cards with my husband
11. Writing and Blogging
12. Reading
13. Coffee - usually Carmel flavored, although apple cinnamon is really good, too.
14. Taking pictures
15. Going on vacation
16. Scrapbooking
17. Watching my kid's sports
18. Watching a good romantic comedy
19. Sitting down in a nice clean living room
20. Listening to my Grandpa's sermons
21. Listening to the quiet of dusk, with the frogs and the crickets (yeah we live in the middle of no where).
22. Music
23. Corn on the cob and steaks on the grill
24. Fresh lemonade
25. Fourth of July

Recovery

Well I underestimated the after effects of having an organ, albeit an unnecessary one, removed. So now, I am gallbladderless. I feel better and haven't noticed to many "side effects" of living without one yet. Hopefully, I'm a pound or two lighter, maybe not yet as I still have some bloating from the carbon dioxide, which is really a nasty, lingering annoyance more than anything.

My mom seems to think that God threw this at me to make me sit back. She is always on me for doing to much, going to fast, and not taking time for me. She was in agreement with God on this one, that if a surgery is what it took to make me slow down for a couple weeks, than that was what was needed. I realized it is very hard to sit back and not "do" something. It's one thing if I'm always on the go and just don't have time to "do" something or another, but to sit in a couch while those around me have to do what I should be doing... that is another thing to learn to have patience for altogether.

I have had time to finish 2 books and start a 3rd. The other four books I ordered from Amazon the day before are here and waiting to be read as well. I have not been up to scrapbooking yet, but I hope to in the next few days or week. But all in all, I am doing much better, and can't wait to get back to "doing"... but will try and remember to slow down once in a while and just let others do the doing.

Surgery

Well today is the day. I will be one organ lighter later this afternoon, and hopefully once they have removed my gallbladder I will be feeling much better, too. I am blessed to have plenty of family and friends offering their help, support and prayers. Maybe the two weeks laid up with people "waiting on me" won't be as bad as it sounds!

Anyway, I'm off, dishes and laundry to do before they tell me I can't.

Sunset...

This was a picture I took on my cell phone at our friend's house... I wish I had a regular camera for this shot! I'm looking forward to spending a couple days at this house on the lake after recovering from surgery this week and next!

Father's Day

It was a weird and pleasant kind of day yesterday... There are so many "good" father's all around me. I got to spend the day with my husband most of all, then my dad, my grandfather, and my older "brother" who is up from New Mexico. All of them are up there in my rankings of Best Dad.

The 'weird' part was during Church Service, with a message based on "The Perfect Father," being none but God, that I realized that even though I think my dad and grandpa are pretty close to perfect (my grandpa is a pastor and I don't remember very many 'bad' things at all) that these dad's are much harder on themselves than we as children are. Both my dad and grandpa were talking about the things they did wrong, how they let their children down. And it really made me realize that there is no perfect parent (I know, newsflash...). I know I'm not perfect, and I worry often about what I'm doing wrong and what kind of long term affect I may have on my children. But it really hit me when I realized that these wonderful men in my life had the same worries as me. They had regrets, they had discipline issues they thought they handled wrong, and they had worries about whether or not their children had grown up to make the same 'mistakes,' and if the mistakes of their children were somehow the fault of themselves.

I realized that my children will probably have the same fears down the road, and that as a good parent, it's probably one of the best fears we can have. Am I messing up my child... I know the thought keeps me honest with them and myself, it keeps me praying for wisdom, knowledge, strength and energy. It makes me keep trying to be better. If I wasn't worried for their future based on my mistakes it would mean I didn't care enough. So for now, I will keep worrying, and I will keep praying that my mistakes won't affect them for the worse. I will hope that they only learn from the mistakes of the generations before them. And I will rest with the assurance that as I look past the 'mistakes' of my dad and grandpa, that one day my children will be able to look past the mistakes that I have made as well. That love will bring them to acceptance that we all make mistakes and that we all should be forgiven.

And that most of all, our father's and the Father, love us no matter what. And that I will forgive them any mistake as they will also forgive me. And hopefully, that is one cycle that my children will follow as they mature and grow.

This Is Me...

This isn't the best pic of me (before doing the hair and makeup) but this is me in one of my favorite "places" - the early morning quiet, with a book and a cup of coffee!!

So today's blog challenge is to write about yourself. I think that's a hard one. It's hard to be honest sometimes.... Let's see, the basics: I have been married for almost 13 years to my high school sweetheart - our first date was over 17 years ago. I have 3 children that I adore. I work full-time in insurance claims. I am also a consultant for Close To My Heart. I am on the board for our local Youth Athletic Association and for the area football league. I think I am your normal, busy, working mom, who thrives on caffeine (did you see the windstorm blog - without power for 78 hours and figured out you can grill a pot of coffee)...

Where I am in my life? There are definitely things I want to improve. I am working on my spiritual life. I was raised in a Christian (Baptist/Bible) home, my grandfather is a pastor, and I've just realized that as a Christian born into that environment I've come to take it for granted. It hasn't been until recently that I realized how far away I'd "fallen"... the little things like easily missing church services, missing prayer and devotions. It was too easy to send my children with grandma and grandpa to church and for me to try and catch up on all the other things that needed to be done. But, my children are the ones that caught me. The first time I heard, "why do we have to if your not..." and my 4 year old saying, "God likes it when we go to church." I realized I wasn't doing the best spiritually for them. I don't think God cares if I don't take time to clean my house on Sunday as long as I'm living spiritually and raising my children the same way. And it just amazes me that as soon as you turn back to rely on him, you can see his hand and his work/plan taking shape around you.

I am also forever trying to be more organized, I think this has been a New Year's Resolution for every year I can remember (I haven't given up hope yet)! I was not born type A and I don't think my Z (or whatever the complete opposite of type A is) personality will ever completely be able to adopt an organized lifestyle. I like my "organized clutter..." I like clean, but hate to do it. My house is by no means trashed - my husband is way over type A and he won't let it get that far, but there are times I wish I just knew where to start to reorganize the "stuff" that we seem to have collected over the last 13 years. Maybe I'm just a pack rat, I know my kids are and they have to have gotten it from someone.

I also would like to be more financially "smart." I'm not good at budgeting (that probably falls under the above organization thing, too). I've taken classes and I have the book "Managing Our Finances God's Way..." but for some reason I just can't make a checkbook balance or save enough to do things that I dream about.

I would like to be more active. I've always been an active person (more like fitness freak for awhile) but after my last child came along I think I forgot how to exercise... I did run a 5k last year and am planning on doing another one this summer... but I wish I 'had time' to exercise every day, even once a week... I guess that also falls into managing my time and organizing it better...

I would like to be able to tell more people 'NO'... I've never been good at that. And I know that part of the reason I'm always so swamped is because I take on too much and try and fit 48 hours worth of stuff into 24.

Although those are the things I'd like to become better at in my life, I think for the most part I really like who I am. I like that I can enjoy just being... Being in nature, being at home, being alone and being busy. I am pretty content with the person I am and who my life has made me become. And while I will always have things I'd like to change (sometimes I would kill for thick hair) I think I will enjoy just being me. And if I have to hire someone to come organize my life... maybe that's the best option out there for me!!

Grateful

I am grateful today for the way that the Lord works in our lives. The little things that all come together and you finally realize the plan and the timing in it all...

My husband's job was kind of in limbo, as the employer wanted to eliminate third shift, or more correctly, they have eliminated third shift except for two lines - one being my husbands. Now, to give you background, he has to work third shift to coach (which is his love...). He has been on third shift for 11 years just so he could coach wrestling at our middle/high school. He also runs (yes, Mr. President) and coaches for the youth football league in our town. So, for him to all of a sudden get thrown into a different shift would really turn the world we know upside down.

Anyway, he came home a couple weeks ago they had a meeting at work that pretty much said, "yes this shift will be gone, and no we can't tell you where you will be when that happens"... That same morning his friend called him with info on an opening at the place he works on the same shift! Well yesterday they offered him a job! So there is one thing I am very grateful for!!

Now at the same time, I've been getting all these tests done. I can no longer eat (feels like anything on some days) without intense pain, gas, bloating... well, they finally narrowed it down and the surgeon decided yesterday that he is going to remove my gallbladder. They can get it in before my husband switches jobs, so I don't have to worry about some glitch in the insurance saying it's not covered or it was pre-existing. So, I am very grateful that for one... I finally went to the doctor (this has been bothering me since the end of last year); and two, that the doctor ordered the tests and got me in quick enough that worrying about being stuck with a surgical bill is something I don't have to add to my worry list. And, the best part about being made to take 1 -2 weeks off work, which I'm not that happy about - I like my job... but, my family from Albuquerque, NM will be up here the end of the week, so I will be off the same time they are here to visit.

I am grateful today. I am grateful that I finally decided that I couldn't control how all this played out, but that God was there with his big plan all along. That in today's economy (especially here in Michigan) that there was another job just waiting. That my doctor listened to me and ran the tests and made the call in a timeframe that works. While I'm not pleased to have to have my body cut into, even laproscopically, I am not a doctor person (even though my doctor is a good guy). I don't take medicine, and I don't like being laid up, but the timing of it all - I am grateful for that.

Electricity...

Finally! Last night about 10 pm, after 78 hours of no power, Consumer's got us hooked back up. I was so excited that I spent about 3 hours cleaning - I had to scrub out the fridge and freezer, bag up all of the nasty food, whatever we weren't able to save by cramming it into the cooler. I actually enjoyed the cleaning burst of energy that I had. Of course, when I fell into bed I was completely exhausted though.

Having no power was kind of a blessing though. Once in a while I think we need to slow down and see what we take for granted everyday. My harshest reality was the inability to have a pot of coffee... however, my mom, bless her heart, figured out how to make it on the grill in her backyard. She just grilled me a pot at 9pm last night, right before the power came on (maybe that's where the burst of cleaning power came from)...

We spent a couple of the days in the hotel, it was just too hot in the house and I never realized how bad it is when you can't flush, can't shower or wash dishes, do laundry, can't clean even the little stuff... I cut up a watermelon and couldn't wipe down the counters without soaking a towel in our drinking water. With three kids the germophobe was clawing away at my mind. It was a nice couple days at the hotel, the kids got to swim and stay up late and watch movies with mom and dad instead of watching on their own TVs. We played board games and just relaxed. So even though the power being out was an inconvenience it wasn't the disaster that it could have been.

It also got me thinking about a series of books I had been reading. The Restoration Series, by Teri Blackstock. Last Light, Night Light, True Light and Dawn's Light. I've read the first three and am waiting for the last one. They are a Christian based series that is based on what happens when the world as we know it is hit by a Pulse (energy from a star), that wipes out all electronics, electricity, everything... Planes falling from the sky, people abandoning their cars and hiking home, the state of panic that the world and the people are in when the disorder comes into their life, the crime sprees, the panic, the initial inability to get water and food, and then the resourcefulness of people as they create ways (think Little House on the Prairie) to feed and water their family.

The author points out things like the ease that the suburban/rural areas adjusted by plowing up their yards to plant food and using nearby water sources (ponds and lakes) to get water to boil. But then, what about the city areas and apartment complexes that have no yard or water anywhere around. What about the families that had children where parents never came home? What about the elderly and the sick?

It is interesting to think about how much we do rely on the inventions in the world around. And how we take for granted the ease that we have to do the things we can. We can travel at a moment's notice, send an email across the ocean, call a loved one to make sure they are okay when they aren't at home, and feel secure in our homes. When all that is gone would you rely on God and still think he was looking down with care on you and your family. Would I hold fast in faith and not lose hope?

Anyway, the books were interesting to say the least. They triggered some ideas and questions that really made me stop and think. And when I worry about 78 hours with no electric, I can think of the theory in those books and see how good we have it, and I can feel blessed that I had the weekend to enjoy being with just my family.

Water Pic

Well, the blog challenge called for a water pic... this isn't mostly a pic of the water, but this photo is one of my faves... Going through the shark tunnel in Ripley's Aquarium... My youngest literally fell right off my husbands shoulders (luckily my friend caught him) trying to lean away from the shark!

Windstorm

Well, this has been an interesting weekend. We got hit by some crazy storm on Friday afternoon and have not had power since! We are going on hour 77... I have to say though, we cheated... we spent 2 of the 4 nights in a hotel, and tonight I'm burning up the computer at my mom's (I was beginning to go through withdrawal). Mom doesn't have power either, but they invested in this handly little item called a GENERATOR! At least they have a few lights, water and a cold refrigerator.

Here are some of the storm pics - it took down my kid's favorite climbing tree and a few others. It uprooted a couple in my parent's yard (they live next door)...

The kids couldn't believe how deep of a hole the roots of the tree left in the ground. Of course even in a time of disaster they got a kick out of climbing on the mess!

My kids' favorite climbing tree... The Cherry Tree. This was the most upsetting... I have pictures of them in this tree every spring, and it's a tree I helped my parents plant when I was kid, not knowing that I would one day be given the land that the tree was on...

Vacation Memories...

I have really been lucky to have gone on some wonderful vacations. I don't even know if I could choose my "favorite." As an adult when the kids were little we did a couple Caribbean cruises, talk about relaxing with just the sun, sand and surf.... (if i take a deep enough breathe i can almost smell it still)! There was also a trip to Cancun, and that wasn't bad, but the cruises were better. But, I still think that the best vacations are the family vacations. I love the sun and sand and adult only time, don't get me wrong, but there is always that little bit of "guilty pleasure" for having such a good time and leaving the kids with grandma and grandpa... Besides the best memories are always made when the kiddos are around!

Even growing up, some of the best vacations we had were family camping trips. My parents would load us all (5 kids and there was always a few stragglers and adoptees) in this huge 15 passenger van - bus is a little closer. I remember one year driving out to a "lighthouse"... we drove down this dirt two trek with all 9 of us in the van for almost 2 hours. Dad kept saying, "if we turn back now it will be just over the next hill..." Well, we never found it. It was on the map, but my mom finally convinced him by pointing out the obvious, "you know, it's going to take just as long to get back out?" I think food was the ultimate in the decision to turn around though, we hadn't packed a lunch for that type of outing. But, the point is, it was a blast. Even just spending 4 hours on a dirt two trek road with 7 kids in a van that bounced around like crazy on that two trek... We sang, played games, picked on each other and probably drove my mom close to insane, but it's a great memory.

Then there was the time my dad decided to pack us all (9 of us again) up and take the camper out to Wyoming (we live in Michigan so this is quite a drive). We stopped at so many places along the way, Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands (even though it was like 120 degrees and like a desert there at the time). We drove almost 24 hours straight on the drive home.

We did a lot of camping and driving, but those experiences are what kept us close as a family. And I loved every adventure that came are way. The "almost" best, from my before marriage days, might have been the "Wilderness Trip" that my siblings and I took with my dad. There was my one sister, two of our "adopted" sisters (they weren't legally adopted, but my parents took them in when their family life was rough) and my younger brother. We got dropped off in some secluded point in Canada with just our canoe, backpack, tent and food for the week. We went through like 7 lakes, and when you got out and had to hike to the next lake you carried the canoe, and backpack, tent and food... It was almost exhausting at points. But the glory of God's creation was all around you up there. You were surrounded by beauty and nature in an almost untouched state. I remember feeling like I was invading it at times. We would all be in the canoes and there were times we were all so quiet, in awe at our surroundings, and all you could hear were the loons and the smack of our oars on the water... We had a youth pastor with us and one day he canoed us out to individual locations. The goal was to sit by yourself in total quiet with just nature for a two hour period... (luckily we didn't see any bears) I took nothing but a canteen of water and my journal. That was a great time to just reflect, pray, and absorb the beauty of it all. I want to go back, but have to wait until my kids are old enough to go. I think it's something that they would both enjoy and learn from.

Ah, that was a nice memory... kind of long. Now, I'm working on our family vacations. Taking our kids to see the great things around us. We went to the Great Smokey Mountains this year on vacation. Last year we visited my sister in Arizona and got to see the Grand Canyon and climb Bell Rock in Sedona. I want my kids to see the beauty in the different states and see what America is like. We are making a list of where all to go... It might take us a while, but I can't wait to show them as much as I can...

My Summer Song...

Should be playing right now... Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.

I Love...

So, for the Blog Challenge I'm supposed to post about something/someone I love. Well, being the busy person I am... I recycled this post from last year with a few minor updates... Here are my loves... (Mostly, I LOVE my family!)

I LOVE LIFE. There may be regrets, but I choose to enjoy life. I choose to be happy. I choose to move forward and to keep dreaming... I LOVE my children, my family and my friends... I LOVE photos and the stories they tell... I LOVE being active and having my health... I LOVE TO WRITE AND CREATE... I LOVE to be inspired and to inspire... I LOVE to read a good book while curled up in any comfy chair I can find. I LOVE a cool breeze after the storm and I LOVE the smell of rain and watching thunderstorms... I Love flowers in the spring... I Love snow in the winter while enjoying a nice hot mocha... I Love the hot sun in summer and sand between my toes... I Love watching the ocean... I Love nature and enjoying a sunset/sunrise in all God's glory. I Love lemonade and peach ice tea, diet coke and rum, or any fruity frozen drink... I Love the romantic little moments in life... I even Love a Good Cry after a nice sad, sappy love story... I Love watching the love that glimmers from a person's eyes when they look at the love of their life... I LOVE the bear hugs I get from my children. I Love a good lazy weekend vegging and watching tv... I LOVE TO LAUGH, I Love to watch people laugh, make people laugh, listen to laughter (this is after all the BEST sound in the whole world)... I Love to make people smile... I Love a long conversation with an old friend... I Love a short conversation with a new friend... I Love being near my family... I Love that the internet makes it easy to be close to my family that is not "near" in location. I Love taking short little cat naps curled up with one of my kids... I LOVE listening to music and I Love singing at the top of my lungs when no one is around to listen... I Love travelling and seeing new things and new places, and I Love introducing my kids to the same... I LOVE enjoying nature... I Love taking drives to nowhere in particular in no particular hurry... I LOVE comforting a crying child... I Love being comforted... I Love dancing... I Love girls night out... I Love to play the piano (even though its been awhile)...I Love that "top of the world" feeling you get on a really good day... I Love being able to wonder if I can stop at only 50 things that I love about life... I LOVE listenting to my 90 year old grandmother tell her stories from the early 1900's... I Love listening to my children tell stories about now... I Love listening to my husband tell the great high shool sport stories that I've heard many, many times... I Love listening to my dad tell the same stories to my kids that he used to tell me.. I Love looking back at my life and knowing the mistakes and learning from them - even though it hurts sometimes...I Love a slow dance... I Love to dream about the future and how my life may change...or stay the same... I LOVE the early morning quiet in the house with a cup of coffee... I Love my job (yes I really do...)and, I LOVE watching that 80 yr old couple dance the night away amidst all the "young" people and wonder if I'll be that young at heart... I can only hope to have that love for life that that couple has...What are the 50 Loves of your life?

Refreshing...

There are so many things that are refreshing... My first initial, gut thought is how refreshing a nice, clear blue pool is on a hot sunny day...

But then what has been really refreshing lately is the blessings that I notice around me. It's refreshing to see good things now and then and not to be burdened with bad luck and bad news. It's refreshing to just live life and feel like it is moving forward in the directions of His Will, and feeling that hope and promise that there is a light at the end of that tunnel. We just have to keep looking forward to find it.

My Son...

OK, my youngest son is quite the animated little guy. You can see the emotions in his eyes when he talks. Like the glimmer of curiosity, borderline mischief, that I saw in them last night. The conversation started when he was asking questions about mommy's chest, all the normal stuff that a 4 yr old might find interesting...

Like, why I have them and daddy doesn't; does his sister, etc... Anyway, he finally asked if he could "see how big they are." To which, I replied, no it isn't right for us to look at other people's private areas. Then he asked, with all the excitement a 4 yr old can muster, "but are they THIS big?" as he stretched out his arms (usually he stretches his arms out like that to tell me he loves me THIS much... he's growing up already.)

Keeping as straight of a face as I could, I calmly replied that no, mommy's aren't that big. And with the enthusiasm one might have when they won the lotto, he replied, "that would be SO AWESOME if they were that big." Yes, my 4 yr old will one day be the owner and manager of Hooter's.... to bad his mom doesn't qualify to work there!

Self.... (It's a long and rambling road - beware)

How do you define yourself? It sounds easy at the simplest most basic levels of definition. I am a female, married, mother of three. I work full-time and the bulk of my world revolves around those that I love. Yeah, easy enough. If you want the top-sheet, "duh, I knew that" definition of "self."

How do you really define yourself. That's the hard part. That part is hard because it's the part of "self" that we keep hidden away. I love to write... not everyone knows that. The people I think would support it know it, and those that stumble across my ramblings online, whom I don't know and probably never will. But the rest of the world may never know this part of me. I'm a procrastinator. I'm perpetually thinking "should of, could of, would of..." I have so many traits that I don't list in that "easy" definition of me. Why? Because these parts of me, that are really so much more of who I am than the scripted off definition of "wife and mom," are the parts of me that are "imperfect." These are the traits that I will forever be trying to either perfect or grow out of. These are the parts of me that may not be accepted. They may not be what the person next to me wants to see. But these traits, these defining adverbs and adjectives, these are me. These are the traits that some times you just want to leave lying around the house and say, "yeah, I'm feeling like chocolate, wine, and a good book; and not like cleaning the house..." There are so many "imperfect" traits in all of us... Yes, I'll admit some of mine here - not them all...

But then I wonder, what am I teaching my children. What if I only show them the parts of me that I want them to know and try and hide those imperfect ones. The flaws, or the parts that aren't quite mastered yet. Will they go through life trying to show only what they think that I want to see from them? Will they not show me all their traits, be it perfect, imperfect or otherwise. Kids, hide something from their parents? I know sounds crazy... But I don't want that. I want to know their deepest desire, even if it is running off and joining the circus. I want to know their fantasies and hopes. I don't want them to not tell me because they don't think it's something I wouldn't want or approve of... I want to know. I want to know them. I want them to know me. Does that mean I have to tell my kids I'm not perfect? That I have "things" that I will forever be trying to master in my life.

How do you convince them, these pre-adolescents, that all their "flaws, imperfections, silly habits," that they are all defining features of themselves. That they will never really be accepting of themselves if they don't accept that they aren't perfect. How do you teach them to be more accepting of others and their flaws, imperfections and silly habits? I don't want my kid to be the bully. I don't want them to put up with any body's BS, but I don't want them dishing it out. I just want my children to be able to look back at some point in adulthood and know that they were true to their self, to their dreams and desires. I want them to play the tuba if they want, I want them to be a cheerleader instead of on the volleyball team like mom was, if that's what they want. I want them to get straight A's, yet I want them to take time and enjoy the "school years" while they can, if it means playing hooking to walk around with friends, just to be able to breathe for a day. I want them to be able to look inside and know that their definition of self, albeit, imperfect in some ways, is a definition that they are happy with.

Ah, but I could ramble for hours on this subject of school and acceptance, but off subject. How do you define yourself... I close my eyes and just try to think of the words I would use, other than the "easy" definition... There are so many, yet when it comes right down to it. I am me. Me. Those two little letters strums up all these traits that no one else has, almost like genetic coding, but for a self definition. I am me. I am imperfect, but I try and that's a good thing. Not that I try to be imperfect, but I try to be better. And at 33, if I am still trying to figure it out, well obviously there's one imperfection in itself. Not that I'm not happy with who I am... I think on the Happy Meter that mine is swinging towards the top. It's just trying to grasp it all. All of who I am, labeling it, and then sharing it so that everyone knows exactly who I am. I know. Like I said, i can close my eyes and see the list. I could type for hours and not run out of things that make me who I am (a late night rambling fool being one of them). But it's the definition itself. How do I define me in words and understanding that can be shared with those that I do want to know all the parts of me, even the imperfectness...

Hmmm, anyway, enough rambling for one night. Time to find something more through provoking to read than what I was reading when my mind started down this rambling road.

Right Here

The people around us, those who see us for who we are, those that love us past our failures - these people help make us who we are and who we will become. Their support or their kindness, their tough words or their words that just say that they care; their simple actions that just prove one small fact - that they are still here. These people, they are the ones around us that bring us up when we are down. Who tell us straight when we've screwed up.

And there are people who lead us one way, and some who lead us another, but only those chosen few - those who care - lead us home. They lead us back through the trenches; and they lift us back up to where we came from. They know where we belong even when others seem to doubt; even when one begins to doubt themselves. They never fail us. Love never fails us.

This world is full of "friends" who look good, and share a good laugh over meaningless jokes; but those who care, they are there when life isn't a joke. When it's real and hard and true. That's when they are there by us. And there are days when life seems full of so many faces, all smiling and laughing; and then there are days where it is just you and those few. But in those times, when it is just you and them. That's when you feel it the most, that's when you know that of all the places that you may go, that here is where you are. And here is where you should stay. And HERE, right here, is where you always knew you wanted to be.

Here We Go Again....

And here it is, May, and I'm sitting here printing out FOOTBALL/CHEERLEADING stuff already! It's kind of crazy! Of course it is a lot of work, you will never know how much unless you offer up your valuable time to run a league that has 10 football teams and 5 cheer teams. I thought it would be easy... hehe... and those that past the torch are smiling from ear to ear that I fell for that one! I wouldn't trade it for the world (maybe for a spa day...) I'd rather know that this "stuff" was getting done than have to rely on the hope that other people would do it for the kids, "my" kids being part of that.

So anyway, here I sit, after working for 8 hours, in front of our computer printing off 200 postcard reminders for sign up day. Then printing 200 labels, then tomorrow is the best part... putting 200 stamps on all of them so they can get into the mail!

Now, so you don't think I'm exaggerating... I've been typing a few words of this blog at a time, then I switch and print a few more labels, a few more postcards... I'm afraid to print too many things at once and jam up the printer! But now, an hour and a half later, I'm almost done! So "yeah" for football season getting started again, at least I'm at the computer and can attempt to blog, even if it is between sheets of labels!

When I Think About My Childhood...

There are so many memories that come flooding back when I think about my childhood. Lately, the thoughts that come to mind are how blessed my family was. I believe in my adulthood that I've taken for granted all the small blessings that God bestowed on our family. He helped our family through so many difficult times. My dad was a farmer and then a self-employed contractor, and my mother, bless her heart, was a stay at home mom. Money was tight, debt was large, but God always made sure that we never needed anything. After a total loss house fire, that took place in October, when my mom was due with her fifth child in December, we were taken care of. We had shelter and clothes and luckily a new contractor in the family that was able to rebuild the house.

We always had fun, too. Family vacations were the best. They were mostly camping trips, which meant driving trips with 5 kids plus a couple stragglers that were either friends or cousins that were always there. These trips made for a crowded van of 9 people, but it wasn't ever too crowded. There was your usual sibling bickering, but there were campfire songs, hiking songs, driving games, and plenty of rest stops to get off and just wander around whatever trails happened to be nearby. It's hard to pick a favorite vacation. There was the drive from Michigan to Mt Rushmoe and through South Dakota and the Bad Lands when the temperature reached highs of 110 degrees - did I mention there was no AC working in the camper trailer at that time? Or, the time Dad wanted to take the scenic route to a lighthouse somewhere up north. It was on the map, but we drove down this two trek road, going maybe 20 mph at the most, for over an hour. Dad kept saying if we turn around now it's probably just over the next hill... well we finally turned around and drove that hour back out. What was crazy was that we passed hikers who had parked at the beginning of the two trek... I want to know how long they walked and if the lighthouse really was out there... Or, there was the time we drove the shoreline of the Upper Peninsula along Lake Superior. Definitely the long way back from Copper Harbor, but what a beautiful drive. Dad and Mom were never in a hurry, and I think that's what made it so great. There was always time to explore and wander.

These vacations were blessings. I know my parents had to use credit to pay for them, but we always made it. We always had fun, and I'll always have the memories of those times. Thinking back on all these blessings; how my parents were always able to make ends meet, and take us on vacations, and survive on one income that allowed us to have our mom home with us; makes me realize how much I've taken for granted in my life. My kids have more than I ever would have dreamed of, and looking back, I see that I'm not thankful enough for what we have. And, what I miss, are those simple memories - the campfire stories and songs, relaxing on Sunday afternoons, playing catch in the yard. The simple things that made my childhood what it was. I've been blessed in so many ways, and yet I feel as though I've "wasted" those blessings. I'm always too busy to enjoy them, to busy to take the time to do the simple things.

When I think of my childhood, I think of all the things that I haven't given my children. I think of all the things they've missed out on in the hustle and bustle life we have. I want my children to look back and have memories like mine. I want them to be thankful for all the simple things, not the Wii system, and not a fancy stay at some water/amusement park. I want them to enjoy hiking, biking, fishing, and all of God's gifts that he has given us. I think it's time to take a hike... because we have to "remember the small things in life... for one day you will look back and realize they were the BIG things."

Motherhood

There is something that bonds us women, us mothers... Mothers are a lot of things. We are packrats. Our purses are full of snacks (not some high protein bar for that healthy person we want to be, but a bag of fruit snacks or smashed goldfish crackers), toys, crayons and maybe a few notes to remind ourselves about the list of soccer games and parents meetings and whatever else it is on our agenda that we may have forgotten. We are organizers. We plan and decorate for everything from a first birthday to a graduation party, to a few team parties in between. We are doctors (my degree came from Emergency Room 101) who have bandaged, splinted, iced and kissed everything from the broken right pinky, to the gashing forehead, to the splinter in the palm of the hand, and everything in between. We are picker uppers. We pick up not only everything that everyone else cannot see when they step on or over it, but we pick up broken spirits and broken hearts, and we mend those with sometimes nothing more than a hug.

But of all things that makes us mothers, It's that unspoken, and usually unseen, act of unselfishness that makes us who we are. Mothers are a lot of things, but of all the things that one could try to accuse me of being, selfish is not one of them. Oh, I have days, believe me, where I dream of "selfish"... That day dream of me laying on the couch and making my husband rub my feet, while the kids clean and cook, and I spend whatever extra money we have a some fancy new sandals that would only match like 1/10th of my "wardrobe" (which consists mostly of jeans and comfy clothes), a fantastic bottle of red wine and some real expensive dark chocolate... Ah, but it's just a dream. Because we moms, we aren't selfish. God made us so exquisite that when you give birth, you lose everything singular about yourself. There is no "you", there is no "self".. You are now a We in every sense of the word. When you get married they say that "two have become one." But not like when you become a mom. Because that mom-ness ties a bond so tight around your heart that you could never be singular again.

Tonight, I made these fantastic breadsticks and I was starved and they tasted so good. But being a mom, I made sure that all the kids and the hubby had theirs and when there was a couple extra I thought "bonus!" Only to hear, "mom are there more?" Well of course... there's always more. Mom's will give them the only bite of food if it is the last bite of food or a bite on the plate of plenty. I would never not give them that... Of course it does help with the waistline when you take a plate of Double Stuff Oreos to eat and end up with one because you shared! And it seems like such a small thing, and in all reality it is, but "it" is not ever the only time. And, it's not just food, it's the giving up your "self" time to play Legos. The time you finally find time to scrapbook, or read, or write... but someone really wants to play. And when you turn off the TV, and see those little arms reach for you to say "you are the best mom," you know why you gave your self. Because that little voice that says "you are the best" is really the best thing in your life. And just being able to hear that voice, to see that sparkle in their eye, and that smile on their face, it all makes giving of ourselves so easy to do.

I once thought that I had "lost" myself. I had this list of "selfish" things that I wanted to do. They were things I gave up to be who I now am, and things that I just always wanted to do and never had time. Today I realized that I didn't ever lose myself. I simply set those things aside to move on to be a better self, a self that is part of a much bigger picture. And by becoming a better, and unselfish self, I have made the lives of those that I love that much better. Whether I gave them my time, my cookie, my last sip of water, or just a hug on a bad day, it was what I had of myself to give and I gave it. And, although we don't always get to hear, "you are the best mom," and we don't always get ribbons or medals (is there a purple heart for motherhood?), we get to see the reward growing before us everyday. We get to see them do good deeds for others. We, as moms, get to feel their pride, their joy, their heartache and their sorrow. We get to calm their nerves before the first day of school, and we get to hold their hand when they cross the street. And then, someday, we will get to kiss them good bye as they leave for high school and we can't hold their hand and walk them across the street. We will get to see the smile on their face when they drive their first car. And I realize, that all this time when I worried that "I" wasn't getting something done, or that "I" didn't get to do something for me, I realize that the only time when I will have lost myself, is that moment when I have nothing left to give. And having given all that you have, that is not a bad thing. Because in the souls of the mothers that I know, there will never be a point where there is nothing left to give.

God-Brick...

So, I was listening to the radio, this was a couple weeks back, I just haven't had any extra time to sit and blog for a few, but off-point... Anyway, there I was, just trying to breathe calmly and listen to the radio on my way to work before another long weekday full or work, wrestling, homework, late dinners, and on-and-on... I was hoping for that little bit of inspiration that I needed, and well, God decided to introduce me to it in the form of a God-Brick.

Well, it wasn't really "inspiration" so to say, but I loved the phrase, "God-Brick." I had never heard that one before either. What is a God-Brick you ask? When you get so busy in your lives (does anyone else out there do this? Yeah, you know who you are...) that you fail to stop and see the signs that God is giving you for your lives. So, in order to get your attention, this all-loving God with a slight sense of humor, sends the big "hello, are you listening" attention grabber that smacks you right in the middle of the forehead. Yeah, now your listening... Those God-Bricks, not only will you be listening once your struck by one, you'll be a whole lot more focused... Nothing like getting a point blank statement from the man up above.

Just don't be trying to throw any God-Bricks back toward Heaven... I don't think prayer quite works in the form of bricks...