Happy Halloween...

So why is it that the "holiday" that requires walking around town with three children has to happen in the fall, with the wind and the rain and before the time change so it is dark by 6:00 pm. Who decided this?

Why can't Halloween be in August when you have those nice long summer days and when walking around at 6pm would be an enjoyable act? Instead, my toes are numb and cold, my pants are drenched, my coat is soaked right through (we weren't going to go in the rain... it just waited to down pour until we had just turned the corner off the main street to walk the TEN blocks back to where we parked the frickin' van)... Of course, no complaints from the kids. They are so hyped up on sugar that now that it is crash and burn time, they will sleep well in their sugar induced comas.

Although, I think I saw more people tonight than at the annual Summerfest activities. All of them, walking the streets along with their children. Some of them dressed up, almost beyond recognition. I do enjoy Halloween. I know there is all sorts of "debate" on the whole "holiday" be it religious or extremely non-religious; however, I think it is what you make out of it. I'm not celebrating anything unholy, I'm out freezing my butt off in this lovely fall weather, spending some actual quality time (walking and talking between houses - even in the rain - was a rare pleasure to share with my kids), and stockpiling our cabinets with candy that will last until the Easter bunny brings the next truck load.

So anyway, here's the three kiddos (after 2 hours in the rain so most of the costumes were off by this point - someone remind me next year to get the BEFORE picture)... Happy Halloween everyone!

My Bio Poem...

Valerie Ann ...
Who is... kind and caring, giving and nurturing, fun and friendly, sincere and joking;
Who is... mother to three beautiful children and wife of 12 years;
Who loves... her family, friends, God and living life to its fullest;
Who needs... to see the smiles and hear the laughter of those she loves and to feel joy in the world around her;
Who gives... of herself, of her time, of her soul to those she loves;
Who feels... that there is not enough time to enjoy these things, as time and childhood fly by so quickly;
Who fears... that one day time will be gone completely and there won't be enough moments and laughter to hold onto;
Who would like to... scrapbook all the memories and laughter, and journal all the joys and fears so that she,
Who shares... these memories and events with her family will be remembered in the hereafter;
Who is... looking forward to the next time she gets to spend time making more memories with her family.

Scrapbook Motivation...

I am really needing some motivation right now. I have an overnight scrapbooking weekend coming up. Polly (see her web link for great ideas - wow - i'm a commercial) and I are hosting our third attempt at this. It has always been so much fun, but this time I've been so busy with football and work and everything else that I haven't even so much as thought about what to bring, what to sell, what pictures to work on... Oh my head is just spinning as I think of all the "stuff" I haven't done.

Why is it that procrastination has always been a personality trait for me. Polly, the diehard, has done all her pre-made pages, she has her lists and her organized for sale stuff complete with labels (I'm not trashing her - I'm completely jealous of her skills and abilities in this area)! I need a night to do this... I worked until 6 tonight (yeah, that sucks). Tomorrow is Halloween... think the kids would care if I told them they had to stay home so mom could get ready to scrapbook? Maybe I could pay them off.... Now that is a good idea! And Thursday... well, it's my Thursday night TV. I might really have to TIVO it all and save it for ... when? Some other time when I have nothing better to do? Yeah right, it will take me 2 weeks to make up one free night of television; however, I have heard that it rots your brain so maybe I need to save those few brain cells for the upcoming weekend and hope they are creative brain cells.

Of course you may ask, what the heck are you blogging for if you have scrapbook stuff to do? Well, I have 5 (yes 5) music cd's that my dad has been begging me to burn for 6 (yes 6) months... So, before he has to ask me for the millionth and one time tomorrow, I promised him to do this tonight. So, while swapping out cd's to copy all my uploaded (legally) music for him, I am blogging as my mind goes crazy thinking what else I could be doing... Oh, the horror of it all!

Success in Childrearing...

OK, so I'm not of the "age" yet where I can say I'm "good" at this. Can one ever say, "I was a complete and utter success at everything involved in child rearing..." I doubt it. I look at some of the best moms I know and I know they have "things" they might change, I know I do. And in those times of wondering could I screw this up anymore (usually when they are fighting, dinner is burning and homework is again being done at 8:00 at night..) you suddenly are hit with the revelation of revelations, "wow, they really do listen to what I say."

The other day was one of those days when I realized that, by golly, I must be doing "something" right. I decided this when I realized that my three year old had just "out-witted" me with my own wisdom. On the way to school, while asking me about what everyone was doing that day and what we were doing when we got home, he asked if I would play with him that night. Now, playing with my children is something I love to do; however, I also know better than to promise him to devoted and uninterrupted playtime, since by the time I get home do dinner, go through homework and everything, the play time seems to get cut short. And, I knew that night was one of those nights (which does little for your self-esteem as a mother to realize that you have to choose dinner vs. play or homework vs. play, etc...).

Anyway, while telling him that mommy really wanted to play and if we got home and ate all our dinner really quick and mommy would play with him while we helped the older kids with homework, he (the ever so wise 3 year old) tells me in this matter of fact tone. "I know you will play with me mommy, because it's nice to play with others, and God likes it when we are nice to each other." Hmmm... yes God, I will play tonight, we may eat frozen dinner or fast food, but my three year old will have a play mate to "be nice to him" tonight, because yes God, I know you like it when we are "nice to each other."

Keep Moving Forward...

"Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, because we're curious... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." ~ Walt Disney ~

Yes, I have been inspired by Walt Disney, or a movie in his name. I just watched "Meet the Robinsons" with my kiddos, and it is inspiring. I think it's good to sit back and enjoy a nice, feel-good, let's unwind and eat popcorn movie... and yes, maybe I cried at the end (isn't that what Walt Disney really means - you will cry...). Well I did. And, for Meet the Robinsons being a "kid" movie. There is a whole lot in there that I, and probably most any adult, to learn from (and I love the theme song, "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas).

I will keep moving forward. As children we stood up when we fell down, we wiped the dirt and gravel from our knees and hands, we jumped back on the bike that tried to kill us, and we kept moving forward. A little road gravel didn't slow us down, a broken hand, a sprained ankle, whatever the ailment, as a kid it didn't matter. Whatever the insult or injury, you just kept going. As adults, I think we lose some of this, whether it's age (it is harder to jump back up as you get old, the back and knees just don't cooperate as well as they used to), or just the fact that sometimes it is defnitely hard-mentally-to stand back up and get on the bike when you've been knocked down so many times. Sometimes I wonder when it will be my time, my moment in the sun, my time to shine, and any type of disappointment is hard, but even as an adult, I know I have to keep moving forward.

I will do just as I did as a kid, I'll stand up wipe the dirt off, "suck it up" as they say, face my fears and move on. I won't let the hurt feelings, the scraped knees or the humility of being knocked down in front of the world stop me from moving on. I will look at each failure as an opportunity to learn. I will accept the challenges of "new" situations and know that by doing so, I will teach my kids the same thing. And yes, I will keep watching "kid" movies. Because I like simple. I like good and wholesome, and I like knowing that there is still good around me and good to pass onto the next generation. And now, I can go to bed with a good song running through my head, for as the song "Little Wonders" says... "Let it go, Let it roll right off your shoulders, Don't you know, the hardest part is over..."

Imagine...

One of my favorite songs of all times... "You may say that I'm a dreamer..."

I'm in a dreaming type mood right now. Listening to the Jack Johnson version of this great song just puts you there. I could just close my eyes and let all my worries and problems disappear. I can close my eyes and breathe in and breathe out. I can close my eyes and see the beauty of life that is all around me if I take the time to see it, touch it and be in it. I can close my eyes and see me where I am today and be grateful for all the little things that have made me who I am today. I can see who I am and be thankful that I sincerely like the person I am and the person I see in the mirror. I can just lay back and dream. I can imagine and I can be me.

My Talking Stove...

I just had a little light bulb hanging above my head! A great idea! Why hasn't someone invented a talking stove? Because for me, in my multi-tasking world... I need a talking stove. Because I can't even count the number of times I've turned on the wrong burner without realizing it and tried to start a fire, because in my kitchen there is always something sitting on the other three burners. Last time it was a leftover plate of pancakes that got burned to a crisp, this time it was just the empty pan that I hadn't intended to use just yet. The problem is that I am so accustomed to that smell, that nice hot, something is burning smell, that I don't notice it quick enough. And, when I do, for god's sake - don't grab a hold of the pan or the plate (whatever it is I happen to be burning) without a HOT PAD!

So why hasn't someone invented a stove that says, "You have turned on the right front burner. Please make sure the pan you want to use is on the right front burner. Please make sure your freshly washed hand towel is not on the right front burner as I am a new stove and do not want to be destroyed in your house fire just yet. Thank you." Or, how about this, "Your oven has been on for four hours at a temperature of 350 degrees. At this time, I think whatever it was you intended to cook - unless it's Thanksgiving - is completely and utterly destroyed or you have left me turned on just to make sure that I do work. If that is the case, yes I work and I am hot and tired of being at 350 degrees, if not, then please remove your disastrous cooking experiment from the oven area and place it directly in the garbage."

Of course, if and when I ever get time to make a really good meal, well then it would also be programmed to say, "You have just won mother of the week for working, being mom and still having time and energy to make this fabulous 3 course meal that is packed full of all the necessary vitamins and minerals. It has been an honor to cook with you." Yes, a talking stove with a little attitude would do me a world of good.

And yes, while I was blogging away, I realized that the front right burner has been on for 2 hours past dinner time. I managed to put the extra chili in a tupperware bowl and store it in the fridge, but that burner just doesn't speak up and say, "hello, this is your right front burner letting you know that I am still on and making sure that all of the extra chili is cooked right into your pan for extra duty cleaning. Have a nice night."

Lincoln Logs and Race Cars

So, the other night I had like three different, incredible blog ideas... but life happened. Namely, Robby Jay.... he decided mom hadn't played enough with him lately and that I needed to "play a game." That game ended up being Lincoln Logs and race cars on the floor for an hour and a half.

Now, I love playing on the floor, and I really don't do it often enough, but why do kids insist on building this great, fantastic, marvelous masterpiece of wood. You use all the lincoln logs available and even make a trip back to the bedroom for more, and then... then... you knock it down! And, what is really great, is that in the mind of this incredible 3 (3 and don't forget the 1/2) year old, the knocking down is better than all the building. I can put in fancy rooms with windows and make doors and even add a roof, and in the end, "whoosh" it all comes tumbling down in a burst of glory. And then, all of a sudden, it was time to put them away and play race cars. But, oh, don't try to keep the house together when you put it back in the tote, that's no good to have it pre-assembled for the next lincoln log session. I tried, believe me, I tried to save that masterpiece that I sat on the floor for so long to make (so long that I had numb feet and legs from sitting there), but I tried in vain. The "destructinator" (Robby Jay) decided "Mom, no... you can't leave it together" and then he decided to make sure by conveniently sticking his big boy foot in the tub and smashing my labor of love to pieces... but it brought a smile to his face.

But then, next was the race cars.... Now why is it that with race cars, you have to line up 100 different cars across my living room floor (on carpet nonetheless) and then feel completely helpless when this same 3 and 1/2 yr old decides "ready, set, go..." and you can't push 100 cars all at one time to make them race. How was I supposed to do this? I had to try and think quick, because the "Mommy can do it" look was on his face.... Of course, it was really only like 15 - 20 cars, but when you are suddenly challenged to race them all at once, it seems like a 100. The quick thinking failed me, and I have to admit mommy did not know the answer to this one... So, what did this quick (rather, not so quick) thinking mom do? I bailed, I distracted, I tried the "which one do you think will win?" and the "guess which one is mommy's favorite?" But it was all to no avail. Robby wanted to race... So, what do you do? I am ashamed to say, at 10:30 at night, I bribed my way out of race cars with the option of watching "Barnyard" instead. Who wouldn't rather here a cow sing Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down"? I know it seemed like the better option to me!

But back to the beginning of my blog, being that I did originally, three nights ago, have some really good ideas to blog about, but I lost them. They are somewhere in the neverland of my mind, buried under lincoln logs and race cars, and some night, I'm sure I will be wide awake at 3 am and those ideas will hit me all of a sudden, and maybe, just maybe I will have the energy to drag my weary self out of bed and blog those three good ideas that I once had... But, instead of those great blogs that I know I had... you get lincoln logs and race cars instead!

Mom Song...

You have to watch this, if you are a mom, or you have a mom.... I love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM

Emmie

Well, it was a dark and stormy night... and I spent most of time collecting money in the ticket booth, which was warmer than working the concession stand. But oh, how I dread leaving the kids at home and running off to a football game that my boy isn't even playing, and especially when it is cold and wet, and especially when I know that as soon as I get home that I will just want to relax and unwind, but if you had seen my house before I left (football/cheerleading trophies and trophy boxes all over my living room, school papers all over the counter, etc...) you would know that there is more dread than relief at the thought of coming home; BUT, I want everyone out there to know the importance of a great, no FANTASTIC, babysitter.

She was everything I needed tonight. The kids were asleep (granted, I didn't get to say good night, but knowing they got to bed at a decent time is a weight off my chest), the house was picked up and my youngest boy's room was, what is the word.... CLEAN! Before I left, his room was in the stage 2 of me deciding to empty all the baskets and bins of toys and dump them in the middle of the floor to sort it all out; Stage 1 was the dumping and Stage 2 the sorting - yeah, I hadn't gotten to that yet, since football took over my life for the last 9 weeks.

But now, now I can walk through his room again! And you know what, I would give her an extra $10 on top of the babysitting $ any day of the year just to know that when I get home, I can do just what I've done... relax. Yes, there was paperwork to do and newsletters to print, but I didn't have the dishes in the sink taunting me, "wash me, wash me..." and I didn't have to sit here at the computer thinking, I really should be cleaning instead (even though my day started at 5:30 am and I've done nothing but 'work' since then and it is now 11:30 pm)!

I guess having family, friends and relatives nearby to help out is something I've taken for granted. But I didn't take it for granted tonight. Tonight I fully accept the value of having my Emm around and being able to trust her to feed my kiddos, take care of them, love them and take care of me by picking up after my family... I owe her my greatest source of happy for today! Happy today = Good Babysitter!! Oh, sweet relief and pleasure in having the babysitter of the year living next door to me! So, if you are ever in need, and in the Southwest Michigan area... let me know. I'll hook you up with Emmie - she's the greatest!!!

Revelation of sorts...

I just realized that as people I know start to read the random crazy thoughts of Val, that they might realize who this quiet person really is. Not that I will change my blogging style... I only know one way to write, and that's from my heart. It's just now, when I see someone I have to realize that they know I like to dance around my kitchen and sing at the top of my lungs (and again - I will affirm that this is something you do NOT want to hear).

Blogging is definitely not like my journals that I've kept for years. Those are still private. No one reads them, or even knows where they are, other than me. Blogging sites should have a warning label of sorts, like: "yes idiot, this is a WWW site, which does stand for world wide web, which does mean that any other idiot in the entire world can read your thoughts as you pour your heart out; and yes, that means that if you see this person on the street, there may be some uncomfortable situation when that person asks how the posing in front of the mirror is going..."

Or something to that affect, not that all of us internet surfers are idiots, just a new generation of nerds I guess. So, anyway, that is my revelation of sorts. Although I will continue to blog my heart away, while my fingers try to keep up with the thoughts I am thinking, but I now realize that when I see you on the street, I will have to smile and say - really, I only dance around the kitchen fully clothed and I only sing at the top of my lungs to good songs (no more Barney tunes).

RAMBLING WARNING... The unorganized thoughts in my head that prevent sleep...

There are these times, my mind is going so fast and thinking in so many directions. I want to scream all the emotions and feelings that I have. I want to hold those I love close forever, and I want to grab those that I feel are just passing by and hold them close and make them part of my life. I want to share who I am, and I want those around me to know the craziness of my mind. The love, the hate, the good, the bad, all the emotions I feel and lock inside me, I want to just scream them.

But instead, I sit in the dark with my mind reeling over and over, the thoughts and the dreams tumbling over and over in my head. I can't sleep because my mind won't let me. I can't dream because there are too many dreams and goals to try and get into one night of dreaming. I can't sing because there are too many songs that are going through my mind. I want to slow down. I wan't to enjoy dreaming each individual dream and singing each individual song that my heart wants to hear. I want to sit back and close my eyes and see where the path of life has led me, where I may have wandered, what would have been, and what is to come now.

I want to crawl back under the bed or into the back of the closet like when I was a kid and didn't know how to say what I needed to say. I would lock myself up and write and write and get all those thoughts on paper and then hold them close to not lose the part of me that I just put on paper. Now, I type away and hope with all my heart that the computer won't crash or the internet won't implode and my ramblings, dreams, thoughts, desires and craziness of life in general won't disappear on me.

I need to not be lost. I need to keep this rambling crazy thoughtful person in my head. I need to keep this crazy yet amazing mind that refuses to let me sleep. I need to keep these thoughts and moments that inspire me and lead me to this dark kitchen in front of this spot on this great big web of information that holds just the thoughts that I need to express. Just the things that I need to help me sleep, if just for a little while. I need to let go of stress and I need to sing and dance. I need to write. And I am so glad that there are so many things that inspire me lately, whether or not they will all make it onto paper/computer, I may never find out. But I just need to sit and type as fast as my fingers will go to keep up with the thoughts... the thoughts.

It's almost as if being haunted, if haunted I ever was. Lost... Lost in thoughts and lost in my mind and the world that brings so much to me that I want to write about. The people and places that run through my head.... and then rambling on I go (I warned you if you read the very first blog that I would often just ramble craziness that was in my head)... So read, if you must, and read if it might inspire you. But when you see the RAMBLING WARNING.... know that I AM JUST GETTING STUFF ONTO THIS MACHINE SO THAT I CAN GET SOME SLEEP!!!!

Dancing in the Kitchen...

Playing fun, upbeat music and dancing in the kitchen with the kids while making dinner has got to be one of my favorite things to do, one of my favorite ways to lighten up and relieve the days stress and anxiety and to have fun with my three most favorite people in the world. I have done this for 11 years now, actually longer, I used to dance by myself in the house when I was pregnant.... and sing to the baby in my belly (what a sight that would have been if someone walked in unannounced!)

Robby and I just got done jamming to "Put me in Coach..." we had to play it about 10 times and danced and sang at the top of our lungs... I think we scared the cat away, and knocked a few dishes off the counter in the mean time... but it was fun!

All of my kids love music and love to sing, even though we might not be the next American Idol... I love that they can relax and have fun this way. Yes, there are dishes to do and rooms to clean, but you have to lighten up and dance. Once your body is moving, feet are tapping and the whole room is spinning as we dance in circles.... once that all happens, there is no way to be tired and grumpy. This is my new recipe for relaxation and fun... and the easiest, funnest way to burn calories!!

"Put me in coach, I'm ready to play today..." And so life moves one, and I will choose to dance anyday! Can I have this dance??

I will..

When I close my eyes and see the past moments that I've shared with friends and those I care about, I can truly smile and be at peace. I have faced the issues that I have with myself and my future. I know that no matter what I decide and where I go, that there are people around me that will always accept me as I am. I am not perfect - not even close - and I don't mind admitting it. It's actually a relief to say it. I AM NOT PERFECT... and I want to quit pretending that the world around me is.

I can't do it all; I can't have it all. I'll keep trying, I know I will. I've never been a quitter. But, I have accepted that there will be times that life will turn it's back on me. I will scrape my knees and fingers to the bone trying to pull my way back to the top, but I will survive. I will crawl my way over each and every mountain that I face. I may be black and blue when I get there, but I will stand tall and I will accept that I screwed up. But I won't quit. I will smile with each obstacle that is met, knowing that life has made me strong.

I will chase each friendship and not let them just fade away from me. I will get my degree. I will write and create. I will photo journal the smiles of those I love. I will be a role model for my children (again - not a perfect one - but a good one). I will do what feels good and what makes me happy. I will do things that make you, my friend, happy; and I will stand by and watch with a smile as life makes you happy.

I will try to stop living in fast forward, with that constant motion, and I will take a break to just sit, and breathe - in and out - and then I will close my eyes and feel the calm in the world around me, just for that second...

I will feel the twitter in my chest and the lump in the back of my throat everytime I see a new baby and wish I had had one more. Maybe two... I will smile though knowing that I have 3 perfect and healthy children that I won't trade for anything in this world.

I will be honest to myself. I will look in the mirror each morning and be glad that I am who I am, with my athletic build (i.e... flat chest) the too thin blonde hair, the oily and much less than perfect complexion, and that glimmer of hope in my eyes... I will look at that person in the mirror and accept and love who I see looking back. I will not envy those around me. I will teach my preteen daughter to do the same. I will teach my sons to do the same.

I will never again try to be "super mom" (okay that may be an exaggerated statement... because if you know me... you know I will keep trying to figure out how to be Superwoman - with the spiffy jet and all). I will accept help when offered and not say - "no thanks, I'm fine..." I will latch on to that offered help and suck up every little bit of help it has to offer, hopefully I don't scare the helpful person away...

I will, I will, I will... I will be me.

Me...

" As she bends & breaks for everyone else, she struggles not to lose herself..."

I think that I do love bending over backwards for those around me... I've been doing it my whole life. I have friends that give me constructive criticism all the time by telling me I do "too much". When does that line of losing yourself and that person being who you are get crossed. I think I am good at doing things for others. If someone needs help, needs advice, needs a volunteer, or they want to chat, or just need to come sit in my living room and chat/vent until WAY past my bedtime (this would be Dan and Nicole... ) I will do it. I will give and give and give. I have always done that, but why does that mean I lose myself. Isn't that WHO I am?

I guess I see that there are pieces of who I am that have been left behind, but being giving is still part of me. Maybe becoming so much of a giver and doing all this extra stuff for everyone else has taken over those other parts. So, maybe I have lost part of me... I have struggled with little things - the piano and writing and going to school... Things I love to do that I just don't have time for anymore. But am I lost? Or, did I just grow and become a different me? Did I lose part of me? Or, did I just set it down to rest until the dust of life settles at my feet (hopefully not on my grave...) Did I become a better person?

I think I have definitely grown... I will always be learning and growing. Once you stop learning life lessons I think you have stopped appreciating life. There is always something to learn, someone to learn from and ways to grow and develop your inner self. I have made decisions, I have stepped up to the plate and decided to go on or to stop, I have decided to save parts of me, and I have secrets that I will relive over and over again, but never tell a soul. I have become who I am by learning from those that I help. I have become a better person by giving so much that it does hurt at times.

But hurt is good. Hurt means you still have a soul and a conscience that care. Hurt means you can love. Hurt means you can lose, but there is no losing if you aren't living. Being able to help those that need me. Even if it's just stopping over at mom's to say hello when I know she's had a rough day. Or even if it's just sending that quick little text to a friend that had a really bad night... Or maybe it's just standing strong and being supportive of something I don't like at all, just so my baby brother will have more courage overseas... maybe it's just being there for him. Maybe... all these volunteer hours for kids and school and sports will pay off. Maybe, even if no one ever notices, mabye I will realize that who I am is not who I've lost. Who I am is who I've become. Maybe I cannot be everything. I want to do it all. I want to be everything to everyone, but maybe there is a scale on my back that finally just says "STOP... OVERLOAD!" I don't think so... I think I will continuously trade this for that. Help this person and trade in that want of my own....

Maybe I should quit rambling, which I have become too good at lately, and just stop thinking. I enjoy giving and will give. I will bend over backwards for those I care about, and I will struggle with what I have to give up in the process to make room for that extra chore, that extra time that is needed. But I will not lose who I am. I will remind myself day in and day out that I am ME. I am a good soul, with a loving and kind heart. I deserve the best of life and I will choose to be happy. I will not lose ME. I will just make room to become a better Me...

Your Deck Chair...

"One of my favorite "Peanuts" cartoons starts with Lucy at her five-cent psychology booth, where Charlie Brown has stopped for advice about life."Life is like a deck chair, Charlie," she says. "On the cruise ship of life, some people place their deck chair at the rear of the ship so they can see where they've been. Others place their deck chair at the front of the ship so they can see where they're going."The good "doctor" looks at her puzzled client and asks, "Which way is your deck chair facing?"Without hesitating, Charlie replies glumly, "I can't even get my deck chair unfolded."Charlie and I are soul mates." (taken from MESSY SPIRITUALITY by Michael Yaconelli (nonfiction))

I took this excerpt out of my daily book club and it made me smile! I've been feeling crazy and worn out, confused and like my life is a mess. I don't understand so many things about life at this young age... maybe when I grow up I'll figure it all out. I'm committed to so many things that it feels like I don't even have time to breath, and then... there is good old Charlie Brown to make you feel better. Because even I... I at least have my chair unfolded. It may rotate between the rear and the front of the boat and I know I can't make up my mind as to what I want sometimes, but I have my chair unfolded - I just have to decide where to put it! I know I want to be at the front of the ship, but the "problem" being that too many times I don't want to be in the deck chair... I want to be steering the boat! I want to have the control and drive that ship in whichever forward direction I want. No map needed! If there is a nice little caribbean island in one direction, maybe that's where I want to go, or the next day... maybe it will be an entire trip around the world. So, Charlie Brown, my problem is not unfolding the deck chair, it's accepting that I'm not the Captain in charge! Or maybe I am... :-) Thanks Charlie Brown!

Fast Forward...

Today, while driving, I realized that I spend too much time in fast forward. I have to fast forward to the next track of the cd when the end of one song is approaching so I don't have that 10 seconds of lull between tracks, I have to switch constantly between radio stadios if there is no cd until music is found, I have to fast forward through commercials, and too many people know for a fact that I drive to fast. It's like I can't relax long enough to just wait those few seconds, too enjoy that pause between songs... I realized that I'm breezing along and not taking enough time to enjoy the down time. Of course, the pot of coffee in the morning and the large mocha with triple espresso probably doesn't help me relax!

Happiness & Wisdom...

How do you make your own happiness? Dad used to say it was a decision... just like love. He would say, "You decide each morning when you wake up ' I will be happy today.' " I have to say, he was always a happy person. Singing and humming to himself or to anyone that could hear the tune deaf songs he would sing. Even when times were rough or when his body wasn't as cooperative as his mind. He always said that happiness wasn't a thing that happened, it was what we made it. He also has always said that between happiness and love that he is the richest man in the world. And that real riches aren't based on your bank account. He also had his theories on marriage and love (which must be true to a point since they've been married almost 34 years...) He always says that once you make that commitment it's the decision to stick with it that makes it love. The love feelings (lust and passion) and the other stuff come and go, but you decide - Yes I am, or No I'm not going to love this person. Yes I am or No I'm not going to support them. Yes I am, or No I'm not going to be here for them. I'm finding at this wonderful time in my life that I think Dad was/is one of the smartest men I know. No college education, but he had the knowledge of life and he tried everyday to pass that onto us. Hopefully, if I gain anything in this life, it's learning how to be happy. Not just accepting that where I am is where I am and telling myself I'm happy, but actually waking up everyday and finding that reason for happiness... Tomorrow I will wake up and be that eternal optimist that I always try to be, and tomorrow I will smile when the alarm goes off, and I will smile and shrug my shoulders and relax and listen to the music on the radio when I get stuck behind that slow driver because there may be a very good reason that the man upstairs doesn't want me two minutes ahead of where I am. Tomorrow, I will wake up and find that reason for happy, and I will take time to enjoy the little bits of sunshine in my busy day, and I will kiss my kids goodbye and remember just how they look leaving for school. Tomorrow I will get up, and check my attitude. A wise uncle of mine gave me the following two bits of wisdom, and said they are words of wisdom that he keeps with him daily, and I have to say, I have never seen him without a smile on his face...

ATTITUDE By CHARLES SWINDOLL
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on my life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge or our Attitudes!”

SUCCESS
(Author unknown)
“To laugh often and much…to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends…to appreciate beauty…to find the best in others…to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition… to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.”