There are these times, my mind is going so fast and thinking in so many directions. I want to scream all the emotions and feelings that I have. I want to hold those I love close forever, and I want to grab those that I feel are just passing by and hold them close and make them part of my life. I want to share who I am, and I want those around me to know the craziness of my mind. The love, the hate, the good, the bad, all the emotions I feel and lock inside me, I want to just scream them.
But instead, I sit in the dark with my mind reeling over and over, the thoughts and the dreams tumbling over and over in my head. I can't sleep because my mind won't let me. I can't dream because there are too many dreams and goals to try and get into one night of dreaming. I can't sing because there are too many songs that are going through my mind. I want to slow down. I wan't to enjoy dreaming each individual dream and singing each individual song that my heart wants to hear. I want to sit back and close my eyes and see where the path of life has led me, where I may have wandered, what would have been, and what is to come now.
I want to crawl back under the bed or into the back of the closet like when I was a kid and didn't know how to say what I needed to say. I would lock myself up and write and write and get all those thoughts on paper and then hold them close to not lose the part of me that I just put on paper. Now, I type away and hope with all my heart that the computer won't crash or the internet won't implode and my ramblings, dreams, thoughts, desires and craziness of life in general won't disappear on me.
I need to not be lost. I need to keep this rambling crazy thoughtful person in my head. I need to keep this crazy yet amazing mind that refuses to let me sleep. I need to keep these thoughts and moments that inspire me and lead me to this dark kitchen in front of this spot on this great big web of information that holds just the thoughts that I need to express. Just the things that I need to help me sleep, if just for a little while. I need to let go of stress and I need to sing and dance. I need to write. And I am so glad that there are so many things that inspire me lately, whether or not they will all make it onto paper/computer, I may never find out. But I just need to sit and type as fast as my fingers will go to keep up with the thoughts... the thoughts.
It's almost as if being haunted, if haunted I ever was. Lost... Lost in thoughts and lost in my mind and the world that brings so much to me that I want to write about. The people and places that run through my head.... and then rambling on I go (I warned you if you read the very first blog that I would often just ramble craziness that was in my head)... So read, if you must, and read if it might inspire you. But when you see the RAMBLING WARNING.... know that I AM JUST GETTING STUFF ONTO THIS MACHINE SO THAT I CAN GET SOME SLEEP!!!!
1 comment:
WOW!! Val, You truely have a gift for writing. My head does the same things..the thoughts just race from one thing to another. But there is no possible way I would be able to put it all into word as beautifully as you.
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