Thanksgiving

Another Thanksgiving and another year to look back on to remember all there is to be thankful for. I will forever be thankful for the support of family in the down times of the year. I am thankful for the three beautiful children that make everyday special with the new things they've learned or the crazy things they think to say. I am thankful for 12 years of marriage and headed for that lucky 13. I am thankful that my children were able to spend time with their great-grandpa before he passed away, and even though it hurts and they still miss him, that they were able to feel that bond before it was too late. I am thankful that in todays downward spiraling economy that both my husband and I have really good jobs, and even though there is never enough money it seems, that we have a nice house and heat for the long winter ahead of us. I am thankful for the friends I have grown closer to over this past year. Friends that make me laugh, make me look back and think of things that have passed, and friends that will be there to support and listen to me. I am thankful that I live in this country, with it's flaws and debateable government theories, I am thankful that I have the freedom to choose. I am thankful that my baby brother is proudly serving his country over in Iraq and now Afghanistan, and I am thankful that he has the ability to communicate to us while he is over there and that he has been safe and will be coming home soon. I am thankful everyday that I wake up that I am alive and well, and that I have another day to make another moment to be thankful for, another moment to make another person smile and to bring happiness to those who bring happiness to me.

Overdose on Life

I found this old quote (yes in one of my million quote journals that I have written in over the years), I wrote this down when I was a freshman at CMU... tore it out of a magazine and had it on my bulletin board the two years I was up there. Looking back, it seems like I worked out all the time when I was up there. Trina, the best roomie in the whole world was a blast to workout with. I still know buns, thighs and abs of steel by heart what 12 years later... Anyway, the quote... I love this one: "Some people measure their lives in pulse rates and sit-ups. Far better to measure yours in licks of ice cream, well-told jokes, mad dashes to be first in the water, belly laughs. And, when you die, it won't be an erratic shift in your heartrate, it will be an overdose of mirth, fun poisoning, death by laughter." I thought of this tonight after my burning thighs and abs dragged my tired and sweaty body up the stairs… Every few months I get in that "exercise" frame of mind. I love being active and I love a good workout. I love how it actually makes me feel better and actually curbs my appetite. But I also, and maybe it's because I've passed that 30 year mark, realize that no matter how much I work out, it won't change my basic body structure. I will always have "big" thighs and a small waistline to match the small chest on top (thanks dad for that by the way...). I will have the same genes no matter what and no workout will ever change who I am. I will be healthier and I will enjoy all these benefits that a good workout gives me, but I will also sit my somewhat-toned, but not nearly perfect, rear-end on the couch and stuff my mouth with double stuff Oreos and a glass of milk (skim of course...). I will enjoy red wine and dark (very dark) chocolate... I will do all these things, because being healthy is good. But being who I am is even better. And I know, that the good friends I have don't care if I never workout another day in my life as long as I'm healthy and happy. So yes, I enjoyed my workout tonight. And, I'm really hoping since football is done and I have my life back, that I can actually enjoy working out a few nights a week. But, keep the freezer and snack cupboard loaded because root beer floats and double stuff Oreos... you my favorite comfort friends, are in serious danger!! Speaking of which... time for that before bed snack!

The Giving Moment

Some say that it's the little things that make us who we are. Tthe little things that happen, the little things we notice, the brief moments in time that shape who we are and what we believe. Not just what we believe in, but what we hope for, and what we set our dreams on, who we are at the base of our soul. It's the little moments that are so meaningful at the time they occur, those brief moments that touch our heart, and we think we'll never forget that moment, and how we felt in that moment. You hope you can alwasy remember that moment as clear tomorrow and next year as you felt it when it happened today. Today I had that moment. That heart touching, tear inducing, bring me back down to earth and face reality moment. Today, I was at the coffee shop, which I am at 5 days a week about 3 times a day, but today was different. Today was Maryanne, the owners, birthday, and she is a great person, but "the moment" was when I walked into the coffee shop and stepped up to the counter to see her hugging Dave. This is the moment... Dave is this elderly gentleman, who is there at the coffee shop almost as often as I am. I have heard his stories as I've passed through, and it really shames me to say that I've ignored him, although I've nodded and said hello, I've never talked to Dave, even though Dave says hello to everyone. You see, Dave is the homeless man that sits in the coffee shop drinking ice water in the summer to stay out of the heat, and coffee in the winter to stay out of the cold. Dave is Maryanne's customer. He may not always be able to pay, he may not always order something other than a glass of water, but Dave listens. Dave hears things. And today, today Dave took 95 cents out of his 35mm film container and bought Maryanne a slice of apple spice cake for her birthday. Dave didn't buy himself a breakfast muffin. He didn't save it for half a sandwich at lunch. Dave may not always get a meal, and may not know when he can get the next one when he does get a meal, but today was Maryanne's birthday, and today Dave spent his money on her. I walked into the coffee shop today to see Maryanne giving him a hug, with a tear in her eye, and to see the little piece of birthday cake. I knew, and Maryanne knew, that Dave had given just about everything that he had for someone that he thinks of as a friend. Dave gave something to her that wasn't just a piece of cake, he gave it all except for the few pennies he had leftover. And he gave me something. He gave me the gift of just witnessing someone give everything that they have for another. How many times can you really say that you have witnessed an act so generous? How many times? I can't remember any other time that I have witnessed such a self-less and giving act. It was an act so small, yet so kind and so full of meaning that I cannot even begin to express everything I felt in that moment. Dave gave everything in a piece of birthday cake. Everything that makes my heart feel heavy with shame for not respecting him more as a person, and yet light as a feather for knowing that this type of generosity still exists, that there is hope for me as a person to be the kind of person I saw today in Dave. Dave gave Maryanne an absolutely perfect birthday gift. And I know that Maryanne will treasure the memory of that gift, and I know that I will treasure the memory. And I only hope that in a week or month or years from know that when I look back, I can feel that moment as strongly as I felt it today. Because that type of moment, that moment, will help me be a better person, and I don't ever want to forget that moment.

Friends

There are these people around me that realize when I'm tired, when I'm just in a down right "pissy" mood, or when I am in a really good mood and just feel like laughing. They have seen me at my worse and at my best. They have seen the bad hair and the red eyes from crying. They have seen the messy house days and they have been over to see the wonder of the clean house. They have shared in my sorrow and felt my pain with the sadness. They have reveled in my joy and they have laughed both at me and with me, probably more at me than with me, but I would have it no other way. I would much rather have honest people around me that will check me and point out those flaws and clueless moments, than to have someone who didn't care if I made a fool of myself. I would have it no other way than to surround myself with those that know how to lift me up when I am down, who know how to stay away when I need space, and who know how to comfort me when I just need someone to be there. They have this sense of who I am, although very few of them know all of "me," but they know the important things and even some of that which I don't often share. They can laugh at my frustration and help me ease from rage to anger to just upset without me pulling my hair out, or theirs. They can look me in the eyes and see that person inside me, and they know that of all these things they do for me, that I would do for them. I want to be the friend that cares, who asks about their day, their family and their health. I don't do any of this as much as I should, but as life and time allow, I want to show that I care. I want to be that person for all of them that they are to me. Even if it means just being there and nothing else. I want to be the one who will be there. Whether it's to watch them so they don't fall, or to catch them when they have. I want to be that person. I want to be the person that I see in each of them, and I want to return the favor of their friendship plus ten times more. I want to be able to look back in 5, 10 and 20 years and see each of them still having a hold on my life, and vice versa. I want those friendships to be nurtured and to endure. I am thankful for these friends and the affect they have on my life, my heart and my soul.