OK, my youngest son is quite the animated little guy. You can see the emotions in his eyes when he talks. Like the glimmer of curiosity, borderline mischief, that I saw in them last night. The conversation started when he was asking questions about mommy's chest, all the normal stuff that a 4 yr old might find interesting...
Like, why I have them and daddy doesn't; does his sister, etc... Anyway, he finally asked if he could "see how big they are." To which, I replied, no it isn't right for us to look at other people's private areas. Then he asked, with all the excitement a 4 yr old can muster, "but are they THIS big?" as he stretched out his arms (usually he stretches his arms out like that to tell me he loves me THIS much... he's growing up already.)
Keeping as straight of a face as I could, I calmly replied that no, mommy's aren't that big. And with the enthusiasm one might have when they won the lotto, he replied, "that would be SO AWESOME if they were that big." Yes, my 4 yr old will one day be the owner and manager of Hooter's.... to bad his mom doesn't qualify to work there!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Self.... (It's a long and rambling road - beware)
How do you define yourself? It sounds easy at the simplest most basic levels of definition. I am a female, married, mother of three. I work full-time and the bulk of my world revolves around those that I love. Yeah, easy enough. If you want the top-sheet, "duh, I knew that" definition of "self."
How do you really define yourself. That's the hard part. That part is hard because it's the part of "self" that we keep hidden away. I love to write... not everyone knows that. The people I think would support it know it, and those that stumble across my ramblings online, whom I don't know and probably never will. But the rest of the world may never know this part of me. I'm a procrastinator. I'm perpetually thinking "should of, could of, would of..." I have so many traits that I don't list in that "easy" definition of me. Why? Because these parts of me, that are really so much more of who I am than the scripted off definition of "wife and mom," are the parts of me that are "imperfect." These are the traits that I will forever be trying to either perfect or grow out of. These are the parts of me that may not be accepted. They may not be what the person next to me wants to see. But these traits, these defining adverbs and adjectives, these are me. These are the traits that some times you just want to leave lying around the house and say, "yeah, I'm feeling like chocolate, wine, and a good book; and not like cleaning the house..." There are so many "imperfect" traits in all of us... Yes, I'll admit some of mine here - not them all...
But then I wonder, what am I teaching my children. What if I only show them the parts of me that I want them to know and try and hide those imperfect ones. The flaws, or the parts that aren't quite mastered yet. Will they go through life trying to show only what they think that I want to see from them? Will they not show me all their traits, be it perfect, imperfect or otherwise. Kids, hide something from their parents? I know sounds crazy... But I don't want that. I want to know their deepest desire, even if it is running off and joining the circus. I want to know their fantasies and hopes. I don't want them to not tell me because they don't think it's something I wouldn't want or approve of... I want to know. I want to know them. I want them to know me. Does that mean I have to tell my kids I'm not perfect? That I have "things" that I will forever be trying to master in my life.
How do you convince them, these pre-adolescents, that all their "flaws, imperfections, silly habits," that they are all defining features of themselves. That they will never really be accepting of themselves if they don't accept that they aren't perfect. How do you teach them to be more accepting of others and their flaws, imperfections and silly habits? I don't want my kid to be the bully. I don't want them to put up with any body's BS, but I don't want them dishing it out. I just want my children to be able to look back at some point in adulthood and know that they were true to their self, to their dreams and desires. I want them to play the tuba if they want, I want them to be a cheerleader instead of on the volleyball team like mom was, if that's what they want. I want them to get straight A's, yet I want them to take time and enjoy the "school years" while they can, if it means playing hooking to walk around with friends, just to be able to breathe for a day. I want them to be able to look inside and know that their definition of self, albeit, imperfect in some ways, is a definition that they are happy with.
Ah, but I could ramble for hours on this subject of school and acceptance, but off subject. How do you define yourself... I close my eyes and just try to think of the words I would use, other than the "easy" definition... There are so many, yet when it comes right down to it. I am me. Me. Those two little letters strums up all these traits that no one else has, almost like genetic coding, but for a self definition. I am me. I am imperfect, but I try and that's a good thing. Not that I try to be imperfect, but I try to be better. And at 33, if I am still trying to figure it out, well obviously there's one imperfection in itself. Not that I'm not happy with who I am... I think on the Happy Meter that mine is swinging towards the top. It's just trying to grasp it all. All of who I am, labeling it, and then sharing it so that everyone knows exactly who I am. I know. Like I said, i can close my eyes and see the list. I could type for hours and not run out of things that make me who I am (a late night rambling fool being one of them). But it's the definition itself. How do I define me in words and understanding that can be shared with those that I do want to know all the parts of me, even the imperfectness...
Hmmm, anyway, enough rambling for one night. Time to find something more through provoking to read than what I was reading when my mind started down this rambling road.
How do you really define yourself. That's the hard part. That part is hard because it's the part of "self" that we keep hidden away. I love to write... not everyone knows that. The people I think would support it know it, and those that stumble across my ramblings online, whom I don't know and probably never will. But the rest of the world may never know this part of me. I'm a procrastinator. I'm perpetually thinking "should of, could of, would of..." I have so many traits that I don't list in that "easy" definition of me. Why? Because these parts of me, that are really so much more of who I am than the scripted off definition of "wife and mom," are the parts of me that are "imperfect." These are the traits that I will forever be trying to either perfect or grow out of. These are the parts of me that may not be accepted. They may not be what the person next to me wants to see. But these traits, these defining adverbs and adjectives, these are me. These are the traits that some times you just want to leave lying around the house and say, "yeah, I'm feeling like chocolate, wine, and a good book; and not like cleaning the house..." There are so many "imperfect" traits in all of us... Yes, I'll admit some of mine here - not them all...
But then I wonder, what am I teaching my children. What if I only show them the parts of me that I want them to know and try and hide those imperfect ones. The flaws, or the parts that aren't quite mastered yet. Will they go through life trying to show only what they think that I want to see from them? Will they not show me all their traits, be it perfect, imperfect or otherwise. Kids, hide something from their parents? I know sounds crazy... But I don't want that. I want to know their deepest desire, even if it is running off and joining the circus. I want to know their fantasies and hopes. I don't want them to not tell me because they don't think it's something I wouldn't want or approve of... I want to know. I want to know them. I want them to know me. Does that mean I have to tell my kids I'm not perfect? That I have "things" that I will forever be trying to master in my life.
How do you convince them, these pre-adolescents, that all their "flaws, imperfections, silly habits," that they are all defining features of themselves. That they will never really be accepting of themselves if they don't accept that they aren't perfect. How do you teach them to be more accepting of others and their flaws, imperfections and silly habits? I don't want my kid to be the bully. I don't want them to put up with any body's BS, but I don't want them dishing it out. I just want my children to be able to look back at some point in adulthood and know that they were true to their self, to their dreams and desires. I want them to play the tuba if they want, I want them to be a cheerleader instead of on the volleyball team like mom was, if that's what they want. I want them to get straight A's, yet I want them to take time and enjoy the "school years" while they can, if it means playing hooking to walk around with friends, just to be able to breathe for a day. I want them to be able to look inside and know that their definition of self, albeit, imperfect in some ways, is a definition that they are happy with.
Ah, but I could ramble for hours on this subject of school and acceptance, but off subject. How do you define yourself... I close my eyes and just try to think of the words I would use, other than the "easy" definition... There are so many, yet when it comes right down to it. I am me. Me. Those two little letters strums up all these traits that no one else has, almost like genetic coding, but for a self definition. I am me. I am imperfect, but I try and that's a good thing. Not that I try to be imperfect, but I try to be better. And at 33, if I am still trying to figure it out, well obviously there's one imperfection in itself. Not that I'm not happy with who I am... I think on the Happy Meter that mine is swinging towards the top. It's just trying to grasp it all. All of who I am, labeling it, and then sharing it so that everyone knows exactly who I am. I know. Like I said, i can close my eyes and see the list. I could type for hours and not run out of things that make me who I am (a late night rambling fool being one of them). But it's the definition itself. How do I define me in words and understanding that can be shared with those that I do want to know all the parts of me, even the imperfectness...
Hmmm, anyway, enough rambling for one night. Time to find something more through provoking to read than what I was reading when my mind started down this rambling road.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Right Here
The people around us, those who see us for who we are, those that love us past our failures - these people help make us who we are and who we will become. Their support or their kindness, their tough words or their words that just say that they care; their simple actions that just prove one small fact - that they are still here. These people, they are the ones around us that bring us up when we are down. Who tell us straight when we've screwed up.
And there are people who lead us one way, and some who lead us another, but only those chosen few - those who care - lead us home. They lead us back through the trenches; and they lift us back up to where we came from. They know where we belong even when others seem to doubt; even when one begins to doubt themselves. They never fail us. Love never fails us.
This world is full of "friends" who look good, and share a good laugh over meaningless jokes; but those who care, they are there when life isn't a joke. When it's real and hard and true. That's when they are there by us. And there are days when life seems full of so many faces, all smiling and laughing; and then there are days where it is just you and those few. But in those times, when it is just you and them. That's when you feel it the most, that's when you know that of all the places that you may go, that here is where you are. And here is where you should stay. And HERE, right here, is where you always knew you wanted to be.
And there are people who lead us one way, and some who lead us another, but only those chosen few - those who care - lead us home. They lead us back through the trenches; and they lift us back up to where we came from. They know where we belong even when others seem to doubt; even when one begins to doubt themselves. They never fail us. Love never fails us.
This world is full of "friends" who look good, and share a good laugh over meaningless jokes; but those who care, they are there when life isn't a joke. When it's real and hard and true. That's when they are there by us. And there are days when life seems full of so many faces, all smiling and laughing; and then there are days where it is just you and those few. But in those times, when it is just you and them. That's when you feel it the most, that's when you know that of all the places that you may go, that here is where you are. And here is where you should stay. And HERE, right here, is where you always knew you wanted to be.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Here We Go Again....
And here it is, May, and I'm sitting here printing out FOOTBALL/CHEERLEADING stuff already! It's kind of crazy! Of course it is a lot of work, you will never know how much unless you offer up your valuable time to run a league that has 10 football teams and 5 cheer teams. I thought it would be easy... hehe... and those that past the torch are smiling from ear to ear that I fell for that one! I wouldn't trade it for the world (maybe for a spa day...) I'd rather know that this "stuff" was getting done than have to rely on the hope that other people would do it for the kids, "my" kids being part of that.
So anyway, here I sit, after working for 8 hours, in front of our computer printing off 200 postcard reminders for sign up day. Then printing 200 labels, then tomorrow is the best part... putting 200 stamps on all of them so they can get into the mail!
Now, so you don't think I'm exaggerating... I've been typing a few words of this blog at a time, then I switch and print a few more labels, a few more postcards... I'm afraid to print too many things at once and jam up the printer! But now, an hour and a half later, I'm almost done! So "yeah" for football season getting started again, at least I'm at the computer and can attempt to blog, even if it is between sheets of labels!
So anyway, here I sit, after working for 8 hours, in front of our computer printing off 200 postcard reminders for sign up day. Then printing 200 labels, then tomorrow is the best part... putting 200 stamps on all of them so they can get into the mail!
Now, so you don't think I'm exaggerating... I've been typing a few words of this blog at a time, then I switch and print a few more labels, a few more postcards... I'm afraid to print too many things at once and jam up the printer! But now, an hour and a half later, I'm almost done! So "yeah" for football season getting started again, at least I'm at the computer and can attempt to blog, even if it is between sheets of labels!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
When I Think About My Childhood...
There are so many memories that come flooding back when I think about my childhood. Lately, the thoughts that come to mind are how blessed my family was. I believe in my adulthood that I've taken for granted all the small blessings that God bestowed on our family. He helped our family through so many difficult times. My dad was a farmer and then a self-employed contractor, and my mother, bless her heart, was a stay at home mom. Money was tight, debt was large, but God always made sure that we never needed anything. After a total loss house fire, that took place in October, when my mom was due with her fifth child in December, we were taken care of. We had shelter and clothes and luckily a new contractor in the family that was able to rebuild the house.
We always had fun, too. Family vacations were the best. They were mostly camping trips, which meant driving trips with 5 kids plus a couple stragglers that were either friends or cousins that were always there. These trips made for a crowded van of 9 people, but it wasn't ever too crowded. There was your usual sibling bickering, but there were campfire songs, hiking songs, driving games, and plenty of rest stops to get off and just wander around whatever trails happened to be nearby. It's hard to pick a favorite vacation. There was the drive from Michigan to Mt Rushmoe and through South Dakota and the Bad Lands when the temperature reached highs of 110 degrees - did I mention there was no AC working in the camper trailer at that time? Or, the time Dad wanted to take the scenic route to a lighthouse somewhere up north. It was on the map, but we drove down this two trek road, going maybe 20 mph at the most, for over an hour. Dad kept saying if we turn around now it's probably just over the next hill... well we finally turned around and drove that hour back out. What was crazy was that we passed hikers who had parked at the beginning of the two trek... I want to know how long they walked and if the lighthouse really was out there... Or, there was the time we drove the shoreline of the Upper Peninsula along Lake Superior. Definitely the long way back from Copper Harbor, but what a beautiful drive. Dad and Mom were never in a hurry, and I think that's what made it so great. There was always time to explore and wander.
These vacations were blessings. I know my parents had to use credit to pay for them, but we always made it. We always had fun, and I'll always have the memories of those times. Thinking back on all these blessings; how my parents were always able to make ends meet, and take us on vacations, and survive on one income that allowed us to have our mom home with us; makes me realize how much I've taken for granted in my life. My kids have more than I ever would have dreamed of, and looking back, I see that I'm not thankful enough for what we have. And, what I miss, are those simple memories - the campfire stories and songs, relaxing on Sunday afternoons, playing catch in the yard. The simple things that made my childhood what it was. I've been blessed in so many ways, and yet I feel as though I've "wasted" those blessings. I'm always too busy to enjoy them, to busy to take the time to do the simple things.
When I think of my childhood, I think of all the things that I haven't given my children. I think of all the things they've missed out on in the hustle and bustle life we have. I want my children to look back and have memories like mine. I want them to be thankful for all the simple things, not the Wii system, and not a fancy stay at some water/amusement park. I want them to enjoy hiking, biking, fishing, and all of God's gifts that he has given us. I think it's time to take a hike... because we have to "remember the small things in life... for one day you will look back and realize they were the BIG things."
We always had fun, too. Family vacations were the best. They were mostly camping trips, which meant driving trips with 5 kids plus a couple stragglers that were either friends or cousins that were always there. These trips made for a crowded van of 9 people, but it wasn't ever too crowded. There was your usual sibling bickering, but there were campfire songs, hiking songs, driving games, and plenty of rest stops to get off and just wander around whatever trails happened to be nearby. It's hard to pick a favorite vacation. There was the drive from Michigan to Mt Rushmoe and through South Dakota and the Bad Lands when the temperature reached highs of 110 degrees - did I mention there was no AC working in the camper trailer at that time? Or, the time Dad wanted to take the scenic route to a lighthouse somewhere up north. It was on the map, but we drove down this two trek road, going maybe 20 mph at the most, for over an hour. Dad kept saying if we turn around now it's probably just over the next hill... well we finally turned around and drove that hour back out. What was crazy was that we passed hikers who had parked at the beginning of the two trek... I want to know how long they walked and if the lighthouse really was out there... Or, there was the time we drove the shoreline of the Upper Peninsula along Lake Superior. Definitely the long way back from Copper Harbor, but what a beautiful drive. Dad and Mom were never in a hurry, and I think that's what made it so great. There was always time to explore and wander.
These vacations were blessings. I know my parents had to use credit to pay for them, but we always made it. We always had fun, and I'll always have the memories of those times. Thinking back on all these blessings; how my parents were always able to make ends meet, and take us on vacations, and survive on one income that allowed us to have our mom home with us; makes me realize how much I've taken for granted in my life. My kids have more than I ever would have dreamed of, and looking back, I see that I'm not thankful enough for what we have. And, what I miss, are those simple memories - the campfire stories and songs, relaxing on Sunday afternoons, playing catch in the yard. The simple things that made my childhood what it was. I've been blessed in so many ways, and yet I feel as though I've "wasted" those blessings. I'm always too busy to enjoy them, to busy to take the time to do the simple things.
When I think of my childhood, I think of all the things that I haven't given my children. I think of all the things they've missed out on in the hustle and bustle life we have. I want my children to look back and have memories like mine. I want them to be thankful for all the simple things, not the Wii system, and not a fancy stay at some water/amusement park. I want them to enjoy hiking, biking, fishing, and all of God's gifts that he has given us. I think it's time to take a hike... because we have to "remember the small things in life... for one day you will look back and realize they were the BIG things."
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