Father's Day

It was a weird and pleasant kind of day yesterday... There are so many "good" father's all around me. I got to spend the day with my husband most of all, then my dad, my grandfather, and my older "brother" who is up from New Mexico. All of them are up there in my rankings of Best Dad.

The 'weird' part was during Church Service, with a message based on "The Perfect Father," being none but God, that I realized that even though I think my dad and grandpa are pretty close to perfect (my grandpa is a pastor and I don't remember very many 'bad' things at all) that these dad's are much harder on themselves than we as children are. Both my dad and grandpa were talking about the things they did wrong, how they let their children down. And it really made me realize that there is no perfect parent (I know, newsflash...). I know I'm not perfect, and I worry often about what I'm doing wrong and what kind of long term affect I may have on my children. But it really hit me when I realized that these wonderful men in my life had the same worries as me. They had regrets, they had discipline issues they thought they handled wrong, and they had worries about whether or not their children had grown up to make the same 'mistakes,' and if the mistakes of their children were somehow the fault of themselves.

I realized that my children will probably have the same fears down the road, and that as a good parent, it's probably one of the best fears we can have. Am I messing up my child... I know the thought keeps me honest with them and myself, it keeps me praying for wisdom, knowledge, strength and energy. It makes me keep trying to be better. If I wasn't worried for their future based on my mistakes it would mean I didn't care enough. So for now, I will keep worrying, and I will keep praying that my mistakes won't affect them for the worse. I will hope that they only learn from the mistakes of the generations before them. And I will rest with the assurance that as I look past the 'mistakes' of my dad and grandpa, that one day my children will be able to look past the mistakes that I have made as well. That love will bring them to acceptance that we all make mistakes and that we all should be forgiven.

And that most of all, our father's and the Father, love us no matter what. And that I will forgive them any mistake as they will also forgive me. And hopefully, that is one cycle that my children will follow as they mature and grow.