New Years

Well here it is, the last day of the year. New Years Eve brings so many things to mind, all the memories of the past year, the past years, the past decades, all the New Years Eve parties spent with friends and family.

New Years Day brings as many things to mind, for those of us who try to do Resolutions (mine are pretty much the same every year, maybe a little different this year), we think of what we want to change going forward. The good things we want to do better, the bad things we really want to change, the new things we want to try, and the obvious things we hope for every year (I will try to exercise at least twice a week...).

But, this New Years there is a lot going through my mind, besides the obvious. Family and those that are not here this New Year and how I love the phone and internet to keep in touch with them. Friends who have left or lost touch. Friends that I miss that "connection" with. Friends that just aren't the same as they were at some other point, and how I miss those times. It seems like this was a year for friends for me.

I've realized a few friends at some point just become that person, there is no opening up to them, no searching and meaningful discussions, just chit chat. Some, I really miss the long hours spent chatting; while others, I'm glad to move forward. Then, there are new friends, new friends that have become a really big part of my world. Friends that are brand new and old friends that seem like new.

I've realized that there really is meaning in the old quote "Friends are here for a reason, a season or a lifetime." Sometimes all three, sometimes that "reason" is a all but too brief passing in the year. I love all the friends that have touched my life. And it's good to know that my family, who will always be here, are also my friends and have so much meaning in my life.

I just don't know why, but this year my Resolutions are all about friends and family. Trying to maintain and build up those relationships just seems so important all of a sudden. Not that it wasn't important before, but it just seems like a "weight" that I need to take care of all of a sudden. Taking hold of those that are important and finding ways to let them know it. If not everyday or every week, like I would like, then at least more often than I have in the past.

So there are my resolutions in an outlined sort of way. Although, my sisters resolutions were good to, just not something I really have a problem doing (taking a break from the housecleaning and business of life to play, I have always loved to play)! So beware all you friends... I will be bugging you! Love ya all, and Happy New Year!

Time of Year...

I just realized how tough it is this time of year to have loved ones far away. I've always been lucky to have most of my family nearby. This year my dear sis will be staying at home in Arizona, in the sunshine and warmth - I'm so envious, so I will be missing her and her family. My dear brother is serving our wonderful country overseas. He was in Iraq and now in Afghanistan, and I worry daily about him. My youngest baby still asks about his grandpa, Papa rest your soul - we miss you, and why Papa won't be having Christmas with us. And there are friends, friends that I have had for decades, friends that I've only had a year or more but have come to mean the world to me, that won't be around this year. They have family or other obligations and they will also be gone. They won't be here to share the season with me, to exchange gifts and stories, or to sit and watch the New Year come in. Sometimes, in this reflective time of year, I realize how lucky I am to have people that I can miss. I have these dear people in my life and for whatever reason that life pulls them away this time of year I will miss them, each and everyone. I will celebrate with those around me, and I will say a simple prayer for those that are celebrating the real Christmas in Heaven, I will say a prayer for those overseas and far away, and I will say a prayer for those right next to me and cuddled in my arms. I will close my eyes, and breathe deep and long, while listening to my favorite music of the season. I will have tears in my eyes as I reflect on the relationships that I have and have had. The friends that are here and then gone... The ones that break your heart and the ones that forever remain. I will choke back that tear in my throat, that lump that wants to choke me into a rambling wimp of tears, and I will smile. I will smile and look forward to the time they will all be hear around me again. I will try not to dwell on the sad, but just reflect and remember the good, the happy and those Christmas Pasts that make you forever thankful each year that those memories are worth all the rough times that you make it past. Christmas will forever grip our lives and bind us together with all the memories we've shared. I will be thankful for that. Change and new memories lay before us all. But there will always be those Christmas memories to look back on. Christmas will always know who we really are. The season naturally brings out the best in us. It brings generosity and sincerity. Christmas makes us remember the real reason that we have the season to celebrate and the future we all have to look forward to. Christmas will always be with each of us, while we may feel lonely or sad for a moment, Christmas will keep us close and show us those who need our love and those who love us still. I'm so glad it's Christmas...

Thanksgiving

Another Thanksgiving and another year to look back on to remember all there is to be thankful for. I will forever be thankful for the support of family in the down times of the year. I am thankful for the three beautiful children that make everyday special with the new things they've learned or the crazy things they think to say. I am thankful for 12 years of marriage and headed for that lucky 13. I am thankful that my children were able to spend time with their great-grandpa before he passed away, and even though it hurts and they still miss him, that they were able to feel that bond before it was too late. I am thankful that in todays downward spiraling economy that both my husband and I have really good jobs, and even though there is never enough money it seems, that we have a nice house and heat for the long winter ahead of us. I am thankful for the friends I have grown closer to over this past year. Friends that make me laugh, make me look back and think of things that have passed, and friends that will be there to support and listen to me. I am thankful that I live in this country, with it's flaws and debateable government theories, I am thankful that I have the freedom to choose. I am thankful that my baby brother is proudly serving his country over in Iraq and now Afghanistan, and I am thankful that he has the ability to communicate to us while he is over there and that he has been safe and will be coming home soon. I am thankful everyday that I wake up that I am alive and well, and that I have another day to make another moment to be thankful for, another moment to make another person smile and to bring happiness to those who bring happiness to me.

Overdose on Life

I found this old quote (yes in one of my million quote journals that I have written in over the years), I wrote this down when I was a freshman at CMU... tore it out of a magazine and had it on my bulletin board the two years I was up there. Looking back, it seems like I worked out all the time when I was up there. Trina, the best roomie in the whole world was a blast to workout with. I still know buns, thighs and abs of steel by heart what 12 years later... Anyway, the quote... I love this one: "Some people measure their lives in pulse rates and sit-ups. Far better to measure yours in licks of ice cream, well-told jokes, mad dashes to be first in the water, belly laughs. And, when you die, it won't be an erratic shift in your heartrate, it will be an overdose of mirth, fun poisoning, death by laughter." I thought of this tonight after my burning thighs and abs dragged my tired and sweaty body up the stairs… Every few months I get in that "exercise" frame of mind. I love being active and I love a good workout. I love how it actually makes me feel better and actually curbs my appetite. But I also, and maybe it's because I've passed that 30 year mark, realize that no matter how much I work out, it won't change my basic body structure. I will always have "big" thighs and a small waistline to match the small chest on top (thanks dad for that by the way...). I will have the same genes no matter what and no workout will ever change who I am. I will be healthier and I will enjoy all these benefits that a good workout gives me, but I will also sit my somewhat-toned, but not nearly perfect, rear-end on the couch and stuff my mouth with double stuff Oreos and a glass of milk (skim of course...). I will enjoy red wine and dark (very dark) chocolate... I will do all these things, because being healthy is good. But being who I am is even better. And I know, that the good friends I have don't care if I never workout another day in my life as long as I'm healthy and happy. So yes, I enjoyed my workout tonight. And, I'm really hoping since football is done and I have my life back, that I can actually enjoy working out a few nights a week. But, keep the freezer and snack cupboard loaded because root beer floats and double stuff Oreos... you my favorite comfort friends, are in serious danger!! Speaking of which... time for that before bed snack!

The Giving Moment

Some say that it's the little things that make us who we are. Tthe little things that happen, the little things we notice, the brief moments in time that shape who we are and what we believe. Not just what we believe in, but what we hope for, and what we set our dreams on, who we are at the base of our soul. It's the little moments that are so meaningful at the time they occur, those brief moments that touch our heart, and we think we'll never forget that moment, and how we felt in that moment. You hope you can alwasy remember that moment as clear tomorrow and next year as you felt it when it happened today. Today I had that moment. That heart touching, tear inducing, bring me back down to earth and face reality moment. Today, I was at the coffee shop, which I am at 5 days a week about 3 times a day, but today was different. Today was Maryanne, the owners, birthday, and she is a great person, but "the moment" was when I walked into the coffee shop and stepped up to the counter to see her hugging Dave. This is the moment... Dave is this elderly gentleman, who is there at the coffee shop almost as often as I am. I have heard his stories as I've passed through, and it really shames me to say that I've ignored him, although I've nodded and said hello, I've never talked to Dave, even though Dave says hello to everyone. You see, Dave is the homeless man that sits in the coffee shop drinking ice water in the summer to stay out of the heat, and coffee in the winter to stay out of the cold. Dave is Maryanne's customer. He may not always be able to pay, he may not always order something other than a glass of water, but Dave listens. Dave hears things. And today, today Dave took 95 cents out of his 35mm film container and bought Maryanne a slice of apple spice cake for her birthday. Dave didn't buy himself a breakfast muffin. He didn't save it for half a sandwich at lunch. Dave may not always get a meal, and may not know when he can get the next one when he does get a meal, but today was Maryanne's birthday, and today Dave spent his money on her. I walked into the coffee shop today to see Maryanne giving him a hug, with a tear in her eye, and to see the little piece of birthday cake. I knew, and Maryanne knew, that Dave had given just about everything that he had for someone that he thinks of as a friend. Dave gave something to her that wasn't just a piece of cake, he gave it all except for the few pennies he had leftover. And he gave me something. He gave me the gift of just witnessing someone give everything that they have for another. How many times can you really say that you have witnessed an act so generous? How many times? I can't remember any other time that I have witnessed such a self-less and giving act. It was an act so small, yet so kind and so full of meaning that I cannot even begin to express everything I felt in that moment. Dave gave everything in a piece of birthday cake. Everything that makes my heart feel heavy with shame for not respecting him more as a person, and yet light as a feather for knowing that this type of generosity still exists, that there is hope for me as a person to be the kind of person I saw today in Dave. Dave gave Maryanne an absolutely perfect birthday gift. And I know that Maryanne will treasure the memory of that gift, and I know that I will treasure the memory. And I only hope that in a week or month or years from know that when I look back, I can feel that moment as strongly as I felt it today. Because that type of moment, that moment, will help me be a better person, and I don't ever want to forget that moment.

Friends

There are these people around me that realize when I'm tired, when I'm just in a down right "pissy" mood, or when I am in a really good mood and just feel like laughing. They have seen me at my worse and at my best. They have seen the bad hair and the red eyes from crying. They have seen the messy house days and they have been over to see the wonder of the clean house. They have shared in my sorrow and felt my pain with the sadness. They have reveled in my joy and they have laughed both at me and with me, probably more at me than with me, but I would have it no other way. I would much rather have honest people around me that will check me and point out those flaws and clueless moments, than to have someone who didn't care if I made a fool of myself. I would have it no other way than to surround myself with those that know how to lift me up when I am down, who know how to stay away when I need space, and who know how to comfort me when I just need someone to be there. They have this sense of who I am, although very few of them know all of "me," but they know the important things and even some of that which I don't often share. They can laugh at my frustration and help me ease from rage to anger to just upset without me pulling my hair out, or theirs. They can look me in the eyes and see that person inside me, and they know that of all these things they do for me, that I would do for them. I want to be the friend that cares, who asks about their day, their family and their health. I don't do any of this as much as I should, but as life and time allow, I want to show that I care. I want to be that person for all of them that they are to me. Even if it means just being there and nothing else. I want to be the one who will be there. Whether it's to watch them so they don't fall, or to catch them when they have. I want to be that person. I want to be the person that I see in each of them, and I want to return the favor of their friendship plus ten times more. I want to be able to look back in 5, 10 and 20 years and see each of them still having a hold on my life, and vice versa. I want those friendships to be nurtured and to endure. I am thankful for these friends and the affect they have on my life, my heart and my soul.

Happy Halloween...

So why is it that the "holiday" that requires walking around town with three children has to happen in the fall, with the wind and the rain and before the time change so it is dark by 6:00 pm. Who decided this?

Why can't Halloween be in August when you have those nice long summer days and when walking around at 6pm would be an enjoyable act? Instead, my toes are numb and cold, my pants are drenched, my coat is soaked right through (we weren't going to go in the rain... it just waited to down pour until we had just turned the corner off the main street to walk the TEN blocks back to where we parked the frickin' van)... Of course, no complaints from the kids. They are so hyped up on sugar that now that it is crash and burn time, they will sleep well in their sugar induced comas.

Although, I think I saw more people tonight than at the annual Summerfest activities. All of them, walking the streets along with their children. Some of them dressed up, almost beyond recognition. I do enjoy Halloween. I know there is all sorts of "debate" on the whole "holiday" be it religious or extremely non-religious; however, I think it is what you make out of it. I'm not celebrating anything unholy, I'm out freezing my butt off in this lovely fall weather, spending some actual quality time (walking and talking between houses - even in the rain - was a rare pleasure to share with my kids), and stockpiling our cabinets with candy that will last until the Easter bunny brings the next truck load.

So anyway, here's the three kiddos (after 2 hours in the rain so most of the costumes were off by this point - someone remind me next year to get the BEFORE picture)... Happy Halloween everyone!

My Bio Poem...

Valerie Ann ...
Who is... kind and caring, giving and nurturing, fun and friendly, sincere and joking;
Who is... mother to three beautiful children and wife of 12 years;
Who loves... her family, friends, God and living life to its fullest;
Who needs... to see the smiles and hear the laughter of those she loves and to feel joy in the world around her;
Who gives... of herself, of her time, of her soul to those she loves;
Who feels... that there is not enough time to enjoy these things, as time and childhood fly by so quickly;
Who fears... that one day time will be gone completely and there won't be enough moments and laughter to hold onto;
Who would like to... scrapbook all the memories and laughter, and journal all the joys and fears so that she,
Who shares... these memories and events with her family will be remembered in the hereafter;
Who is... looking forward to the next time she gets to spend time making more memories with her family.

Scrapbook Motivation...

I am really needing some motivation right now. I have an overnight scrapbooking weekend coming up. Polly (see her web link for great ideas - wow - i'm a commercial) and I are hosting our third attempt at this. It has always been so much fun, but this time I've been so busy with football and work and everything else that I haven't even so much as thought about what to bring, what to sell, what pictures to work on... Oh my head is just spinning as I think of all the "stuff" I haven't done.

Why is it that procrastination has always been a personality trait for me. Polly, the diehard, has done all her pre-made pages, she has her lists and her organized for sale stuff complete with labels (I'm not trashing her - I'm completely jealous of her skills and abilities in this area)! I need a night to do this... I worked until 6 tonight (yeah, that sucks). Tomorrow is Halloween... think the kids would care if I told them they had to stay home so mom could get ready to scrapbook? Maybe I could pay them off.... Now that is a good idea! And Thursday... well, it's my Thursday night TV. I might really have to TIVO it all and save it for ... when? Some other time when I have nothing better to do? Yeah right, it will take me 2 weeks to make up one free night of television; however, I have heard that it rots your brain so maybe I need to save those few brain cells for the upcoming weekend and hope they are creative brain cells.

Of course you may ask, what the heck are you blogging for if you have scrapbook stuff to do? Well, I have 5 (yes 5) music cd's that my dad has been begging me to burn for 6 (yes 6) months... So, before he has to ask me for the millionth and one time tomorrow, I promised him to do this tonight. So, while swapping out cd's to copy all my uploaded (legally) music for him, I am blogging as my mind goes crazy thinking what else I could be doing... Oh, the horror of it all!

Success in Childrearing...

OK, so I'm not of the "age" yet where I can say I'm "good" at this. Can one ever say, "I was a complete and utter success at everything involved in child rearing..." I doubt it. I look at some of the best moms I know and I know they have "things" they might change, I know I do. And in those times of wondering could I screw this up anymore (usually when they are fighting, dinner is burning and homework is again being done at 8:00 at night..) you suddenly are hit with the revelation of revelations, "wow, they really do listen to what I say."

The other day was one of those days when I realized that, by golly, I must be doing "something" right. I decided this when I realized that my three year old had just "out-witted" me with my own wisdom. On the way to school, while asking me about what everyone was doing that day and what we were doing when we got home, he asked if I would play with him that night. Now, playing with my children is something I love to do; however, I also know better than to promise him to devoted and uninterrupted playtime, since by the time I get home do dinner, go through homework and everything, the play time seems to get cut short. And, I knew that night was one of those nights (which does little for your self-esteem as a mother to realize that you have to choose dinner vs. play or homework vs. play, etc...).

Anyway, while telling him that mommy really wanted to play and if we got home and ate all our dinner really quick and mommy would play with him while we helped the older kids with homework, he (the ever so wise 3 year old) tells me in this matter of fact tone. "I know you will play with me mommy, because it's nice to play with others, and God likes it when we are nice to each other." Hmmm... yes God, I will play tonight, we may eat frozen dinner or fast food, but my three year old will have a play mate to "be nice to him" tonight, because yes God, I know you like it when we are "nice to each other."