Tears of Strength

I look at the woman around me and wonder why I can't be so strong. There is a tear rolling down my cheek and I only want to discover how to be like them. But who is strong? What makes you strong?

I look at my mother who has been married for 34 years and I know she is strong. She raised 5 productive and moral children and adopted a slew of others. She has waited on my dad year in and year out, and he has cherished her in return. Then, I look at my friend who was married for 14 years and filed for divorce. She was strong. She looked at the man she loved and knew he would never change. She knew he would never give her what she deserved and she was strong enough to walk out on the path of the unknown. She was strong enough to tell her 2 kids and explain to them why and how. She was strong enough to move on. Then... there is my other friend, who after 31 years of marriage walked away. She stuck around and raised her kids, watched them graduate, marry and move onto lives of their own. Then she decided it was time for her. At 50, she wasn't afraid to start over. She wasn't afraid of being "too old" to date again. She wasn't worried what people thought. She was strong.

I have friends and women all around me who face different "problems" day in and day out. I have a friend who has a childhood history and marriage history that would scare just about anyone away, but she keeps going. She is point blank forward to tell you what was wrong and why she did what she did. She is so strong. She is afraid, but she isn't afraid of being afraid. It's a part of life that she accepts and faces daily. She is strong enough to see her fears and look them in the eye. The don't always go away, but she is strong.

I have another friend that had a baby at 16, she graduated high school, got a pre-law degree and got married to a man who cherishes her and another man's son like they are the most precious life on earth. She is strong. She faced the criticism of an age in time when it was not a "cool" thing to be pregnant in school. She didn't run and hide. She didn't drop out. She kept going. I have another friend that faced the demons in her life, she took all the pain around her and focused on being happy. She has made a life for herself with a great husband and a lovely little boy. She is spiritual even after all she has gone through. She is kind and caring and has given of herself in so many ways.

Then there is my great-grandmother, she will be 90. She lived through the depression and the wars. She buried her husband and her daughter. She has buried many grandchildren and even great-grandchildren and one great-great grandchild. She is the strongest woman I know. She may seem old and frail, but she has lived, and she has cried many many tears, and she is still this source of freshness when you are around her. Her stories never get old, and her tears may never go away, but she is strong.

I could go on and on... Each woman I know could be another chapter in my book on strength. Each woman has some quality that I envy. And each of them has taught me how to keep going. Sometimes I don't know in which direction, but I will keep going. And for each tear I cry, and for each sob that catches in the back of my throat... I think of them. I think of them and how it is that they can all be so different and all be so strong at the same time. I think of all the tears they have cried and the pain they have endured and I know that each tear we have all cried are tears of strength. The men in our lives may think these tears make us weak, but they are not weak. These tears allow me to let go of emotions that plague my mind, and the let me keep going. They let me face another day and the decision of which kind of strong woman I want to be. Woman have tears, and God gave them to us I believe as he gave men muscles and machoism... It should not be looked down on. From now on I will cry freely when I am overrun with emotions, for I know that I will be stronger in the end.