Memories...

So today as I sat with my almost 91 year old great grandmother, I realized that the memories she has made in her lifetime are beyond my comprehension. At this stage in her life, she is frail and forgetful. She is having problems that we cannot even understand, but yet when she is with us, she is fun and funny. She has a sense of humor that makes every doctor laugh. She has burdens and has had her heart broken too many times; she has endured things that our generation cannot even imagine; and, she has buried loved ones that no mother, wife or grandmother should have to bury.

And as I sat and stroked her back and assured her as best as I could that she was okay, I knew that "ok" is not even close to describing what this wonderful woman is. She is amazing in so many ways, and she has touched so many people. She has passed on her stories to my children, her great-great grandchildren. She has told them about being locked in the school house after the teacher left the day she got in trouble at school; she has told them about her daughter and her son; and she has told them stories that they will hold dear throughout their life.

The longer I sat with her, the more I thought of the millions of memories that she must have. The people that would be waiting in heaven to welcome her home and the people here on earth that would miss her when she was gone. I thought about the times she cared for us, the times she left a bowl of pudding and half of a snickers bar in her fridge for us after school. I thought about the times we would all fight over whose turn it was to sleep in grandma's room and hear her bedtime stories. The times that she visited the hospital for the birth of all the numerous great-great grandchildren that she was blessed with. The times that she would sneak into our rooms when we were teenagers and "steal" our dirty laundry for us. The times that I would see her taking her walks around our yard, when she would pause just long enough to admire a bird or something she may have seen in the field.

The memories that I have of her cannot even encompass the life she has lived, since two thirds of her life she lived before I was born. I cannot even imagine all the memories that she must have. The good and the bad. The heart breaking and those filled with love... And I realized, that there is no greater purpose on this earth than touching the many hearts and lives that she has touched in her lifetime. That there is no greater way to be remembered than by sharing the multitude of memories that one has made.

Water Issues - continued...

Well, the Culligan Man is rebuilding our entire softener, all the working parts, etc.. It was 4 months from being 10 years old and it is much cheaper than getting a new softener. The black nasty stuff in our water that is plugging everything up; however, is not coming from the water softener. We tested the water there and it was rusty but clean for the most part. Then we tested the water coming out of the water heater and it was terribly disgusting! And, the water heater is only what maybe 9 months old!

I called the water heater company and they won't trouble shoot anything until I drain and flush it... So, today, at some point, I'll be hooking a hose to the water heater and running it out our basement (thank goodness for walkouts) and letting the 70 gallons of black water run out. I did a little research on the internet, and it seems like flushing/draining it might work, but why would it be so bad in only 9 months! The other water heater had been here for over 10 years and we never drained and flushed it?

At least I know that I can now do laundry, wash my face, brush my teeth, etc... all using cold water with out wondering how many black particles I am collecting. I just can't do dishes... AGAIN! I don't want to call the service guy again so I guess I'll be washing by hand in cold water... that or I'll take a laundry basket of dishes to mom's and throw them in her dishwasher! Now that is a good idea!

Terrible Nasty Horrible Water

I cannot stand our water. It is absolutely terrible. And all of a sudden it's a hundred times worse than it has ever been before... there is so much rust and whatever else in it that it is plugging up everything. I got a new dishwasher and I've had to call the GE service guy twice and both times he had to clean out some screen or filter on the water valve where it was full of junk... The shower heads in our bathroom got down to a tiny little trickle coming out so I went and replaced those and guess what... the new ones (and the frickin' little things aren't cheap) are starting to get plugged, with water already (in two days...) not coming out of all the little holes in it.

Besides plugging up stuff, it smells, it tastes worse, and now the softener is not working again so my hair will be a lovely shade of orange. Last time the softener didn't work it was also plugged.... Another $70 service bill for the Culligan Man... Ugh! AND, my coffee pot this morning had water everywhere, and I can only assume from nasty water plugging experience that there is something in that that is plugged as well.

I've tried CLR, running it through the dishwasher, but the screen that is plugged is before the water gets into the machine. I've tried vinegar and CLR on the shower heads... I just don't know what to do, other than move to the city and lower my iron intake by the thousands and start upping my chlorine levels.... I don't know if the Culligan Man can put in some sort of filter, or what, but this is insane. I wanted to cry this morning because my coffee tasted SOOO BAD!

Back to buying bottled water I guess...

Do More

Okay, my four year old won a bracelet for me today at our company picnic. And I put it on and guess what it says, "Do More." Huh? Me? Is this some voice telling me to do more? Do they not see the craziness in my life already? What other insane activity could I possibly "do" to take up more of this overwhelming abundance of time they seem to think I have.

Then the conspiracy theory set in... Is this bracelet from my employer? Is it some sort of osmosis that I'll wear it and work harder based on some subliminal, unconscious message? Do they think I'm a slacker and that this is my first clue that I must "do more?"

Well crazy enough, these two little words drove me nuts today! Nuts, I tell you. How can I possibly do more? What is it that I'm missing that needs to be added to my schedule? Do I need to read more (if I could without falling asleep from exhaustion I would)? Do I need to help more? Like helping run our football/cheer program isn't community involvement enough. Or maybe I need to do more housework? More laundry and more dishes, maybe my spring cleaning needs to be done now that it is almost fall?! So this little bracelet (which was such a sweet gift from my dear kiddo) has made me obsessed with what I'm doing. Of course, now, here I sit, typing away, rambling more or less and half watching the Olympics. But anyway, I finally realized what things there are that are pulling at my mind to "do more."

So I will do more, even if I have to figure out how to add more hours to my day. I'll do more, but it's not the cooking and cleaning and work that will be added. I know what I need to do more of, now after obsessing for the last 8 hours. I will do more fun, I will laugh more, and cry more. Sing more and write more. I will play more and love more. I don't need to expand on the areas of my life that are just that, "things." I need to do more of the things that build me up personally - besides, no matter how much I try and cook a chef I will not be! So watch out, my little prize bracelet (won in the duck pond game no less) will drive me forward. I will do more and in turn I expect to have more. More fun, more love and more of the me that I've been missing.

This World

This world we live in is so tough at times. I look around and see all the pain that is inflicted by people looking out for themselves. The mistakes that people have made that have influenced their families and friends. Not myself withstanding...

There is too much selfishness in this world. Too many looking out for number one, and not looking for the real number one. This world should not revolve around "me", or "you." But so many times, that is the reason that people make the mistakes that they do. They are looking and seeking that pleasure that isn't from God. They want happiness that they see through the world's eyes and not His eyes. And once they look through the lenses of the world they cannot see the blessings and happiness that He has waiting for them. Blinded by sin. Blinded by greed. His blessings are waiting for us, but too many times we walk right pass them with our blinders on. We see the other light at the end of the tunnel of temptation. We see the light that is blinding us to the true light.

It is disheartening to watch others fall into this pit. It is hard, when you know others have tried to tell them, but they won't open their hearts and eyes to see. It is especially hard when you know that the ones that will be pulled down with them are innocent children. This world will bring you down. I've let it try and pull me down. I've let it almost consume me with anger and frustration. The change came when I quit looking at the faults of those around me and found the faults within myself. None of us our perfect, and the grass is not greener somewhere else. But in order to find that the grass isn't green, some of us have to try and eat it ourselves.

I have to say that God has blessed my family. I have seen his blessings and I am thankful everyday for the life that He has given me. I know that there will be trials, and I know that life isn't always smooth, but I was taught a long time ago that life is what you make it. I am the one that decides my own happiness. God may give me trials, but I will be the one to decide if I smile as I face it or drop to my knees in failure. Too many of us expect that happiness is a state that we get when the world has given us what we need. When in fact, happiness is what we have when we decide to look past the faults of the world and face the day with the love and hope that only He can give us. Happiness, like Love, is a decision. I will decide to face each day with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Book Club...

I get a daily dose of a chapter from a new book from my book club. Sometimes I don't have time to so much as read the title of the book, other times I've read each day (same book runs for 5 days) of the book. This week, I just didn't have time... but something made me read. Someone, some voice in my head, said "read today, this one is for you." So anyway, I've been reading excerpts from the book "Reckless Faith," by Beth Guckenberger. By the end of day two I had pre-ordered the book from Amazon for when it is released in August.

I can't wait to get the book and read more. In one section she quoted a sign from George Bailey's office in "It's a Wonderful Life" that reads, "You can only take with you what you have given away." She goes on to write that, "A reckless faith is more concerned with the balance of what you've given than what you have left. Reckless faith always has one foot in eternity. It measures people by their actions and not their belongings. A reckless faith believes when there is no evidence and hurls itself at what is unseen but promised. A reckless faith isn't "refined" in the least. It does not make sense to the world, and yet, the world often seems fascinated by it.
"In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is, destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."--JOHN 12:25 MSG"

She also writes about how we make our own plans, thinking that these are the plans that God wants us to fulfill, but in fulfilling them, we see what the true plan was. The little "things" that sprout up along the sidelines, the people we didn't intend to interact with, and the way that his true plan always reveals itself in our lives. She writes about how we are often so focused on "our plan" that we often miss, or almost miss, His plan. Hopefully we are lucky enough to have our eyes opened in time that we don't miss His plan. She writes: "Isn't it hard to let go of our plans? Sometimes I'm so sure of myself, so confident that whatever is hardest to pull off, whatever is splashier or pays the biggest returns, is always God's plan. Sometimes I think he looks at the little boy with the loaves instead of the grown man with the fancy plans. He looks at the woman with the perfume bottle rather than the spiritual leader hosting the lunch. He looks at the boy with the sling rather than the army."

And after five short readings, I'm hooked. I'm thirsty for more, because this is all "me." These are things that have meaning for my life, things that I see in myself and things that I thrive to see more of. Oh, and her and her husband run an orphanage in Mexico. The whole book is a collection of short stories of how God has helped her by using the people she thought she was there to help. I even cried once in the five short readings, when she described feeding 40 children at an orphanage....

So, while I can't say I've read the whole book, I will shortly once it is released and Amazon ships that baby out, I have read enough to say that I can't wait to read more.

Crazy Season...

Well the craziness of fall sports is upon us...

I have football meetings three nights this week. Last week I made over 2000 copies of "stuff" to go in the players folders to handout at the meetings this week. And I have cut down the copies from what used to be handed out in half and it still seems like an insane amount of paper. I get about three calls a day on football/cheerleading questions. But, I don't think I would choose not do this. I love being involved and at least knowing that if it's not done right that I can't blame some other volunteer parent...

And it is volunteer, my son was "forced" to do labels one night and he and my daughter both did half (so about 125 each), in the meantime I was doing postcards (cutting out and printing 250 of them), putting return labels, address labels and stamps on them (so 750 labels/stamps total). When my son starting complaining about the 2nd set of labels after the first 60 or so he had done I kindly pointed out that I was doing 750... he said, "well you get paid to do it..." Pay?? In what form? Because there is certainly no cash payment. I haven't even seen a generous "just because" gift or donation. That made him rethink it a little bit and grudgingly finish off his remaining labels...

But, as I look at all the to-do's that are involved, I sometimes worry about time and sanity (mostly my sanity...), but then I realize that this is life. We all choose what it is that we do to fill the 24 hours in our day. And when we choose, we choose what has meaning to us. If sports didn't have meaning for me as a kid, I wouldn't be here supporting my kids in their sports, and I wouldn't be trying to help run a league that helps out 250 other kids in the same sports. Sports may not make the world go round, but if I can keep one kid out of trouble this fall by helping his parents find the equipment they need but can't afford then that makes me feel like my craziness is worth something. If I know the coaches are going to be responsible and care for the players, then I feel like the time we put in banging our heads trying to find the right coaches for the right teams isn't for nothing.

And those 24 hour days don't stretch, sometimes I really wish they would, but they don't. They will pass, and I have to accept that they will pass whether or not I choose to fill them. So I would rather fill them with something that has meaning - so I can't watch TV for two hours a night, not like that is going to beneficial to me. All I can do is pray that the Lord will give me the knowledge, wisdom, patience, strength and ability to do all that I need to. And hopefully, he will remind me at least once a day to eat along with all the caffeine that I am pouring into my body!

Summer Camp

Well the two older kids are at camp this week, Lake Ann Bible Camp. It is amazing to think of all the times that I had at that camp, and now to see my kids going there and not just having a good time, but learning and growing as well.

Jason is doing the "Jump Start" camp, which fits him perfectly. They do the river walk that includes fishing and finding crawfish and other "things" that he would like but not me. Then they do a "mud bog" where they totally immerse themselves in MUD! Jessi is doing the regular Junior Camp and will be having a good time with all the regular camp games, camp fires, etc... I can't wait to hear about their week!

One of these days I'm going to go back to camp up there myself. They do scrapbooking retreats, woman's retreats, couple retreats... I'll find something that works into my schedule at some point! I don't think as an adult they let you do all the "camp games" like we used to though. Can you see a bunch of scrapbookers playing "Capture the Flag", of course our flag would be a sheet of patterned paper or something! Of course a bunch of scrapbookers at "Fight Night" would be a sight to see, too! For you non-campers, fight night is the last night when you run around in a ring and try to cover the other teams with as much "goo" (goo would include, spaghetti, whip cream, or whatever else they can find in the kitchen) as humanly possible, and then you wait for the fire department to hose you down. Of course the best part of camp was always the chapel services. It's amazingly different from going to church every Sunday. The songs are so much sweeter and the prayer so much better. And of course, there were always new friends around you. Hmmm... why is it that we quit going to camp as adults?

Anyway, if you are in Michigan and are looking for a great, awesome, incredible camp for your kids, here it is... www.lakeanncamp.com

Montana

Well Darrell finally gave in! The kiddos got a puppy! His name is Montana and he is a Labradoodle. He has been a very good puppy so far, he is quiet unless he is barking at the cat, and he's been very good at whining to go outside. Robby wanted to sleep in the kennel with him last night. I wasn't sure that was a good idea... what type of mom would lock her 4 year old in a dog kennel?! Of course for a half a second, I thought I might be able to train both the dog and Robby from waking me up at 3 am... (really, only half a second).

So here we go, with our busy lives and a new family member (the boys have been teasing Jessi that she has three brothers now). Life can't get much crazier anyway, might as well have the fun of watching a puppy chase the cat and chew up his toys, as long as it's not my flip flops!

The Proverbial Wife

Proverbs 31:25-30

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

I remember when I first got married. I made a cross-stitch needlepoint of this verse. I did all the measuring, designing, etc... to get it to fit just right in a 8x10 picture frame. The Proverbial Wife was what I desired to be. Yet somehow, in the rush of working and raising a family, the most important goal of motherhood and being a wife I misplaced along the way. I got so busy thinking of all the "school" things I had to do as a mom, and all the "worldly" things that you begin to thing that being a wife requires, and the most important piece of the puzzle - the piece that makes the whole picture clear - got dropped through the cracks.

But the path that we follow is marked along the way, and the markings that I have followed lately have brought me back, not to the beginning, but they have brought me back to the place where I longed to be. I have looked and He has showed me that his touch is in this world. You just have to look to see the work that He has done, to look and see what prayers He has answered. I can still be the wife and mother that my children and husband deserve, and the wife and mother that He has laid the path for me to become. All I have to do is lean on His word, "delight myself in the Lord" and that He will give me the Desires that I crave. Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I will never be perfect. I will do the best that I am humanly capable of doing for my family - my husband and children - and the rest I will lay at His feet. I will have Faith in Him that he will do what is best for our family. It all seems so simple, but yet after 13 years I am still trying, still not even close to becoming that Proverbial Wife...